Jesus Christ Super Star Commercials

Two commercials produced by "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions®

The Long Island Toy Show

Our coverage of The Long Island Toy Show.

You Have Cake

Jessica Simpson is the epitome of sexuality for the Hutt race.  

In a recent Cosmopolitan article, author Brittany Talarico celebrates “the new normal”: average sized celebrities who are beautiful and successful.  Praise is given to powerhouse music artists like Christina Aguilera, newcomer actress and writer Lena Dunham and fashion and reality moguls Jessica Simpson and Khloe Kardashian Odom.  These women have been quoted as loving their curvy bodies, having moments of weakness and not wanting to be a size 0.  My favorite of these risk-taking celebs is Mindy Kaling, who reports that she is a size 8, this week.  So cheeky and relatable!  She is also a writer, actress, comedian and producer of her own hit TV show.

Why can't she be boring like all us normal people? We might be tricked into thinking were special despite all of Hollywood's effort to tell us that we're not.

Therein lies the problem with normal celebrities: I don’t want to see or hear about you.  I don’t want to be blasted with your every-woman face gracing magazine covers, I don’t need to watch your average American woman body on TV, and I don’t fancy a view of you squeezed like 5lbs of potatoes in a 4lb bag into a designer gown at a music awards show.  I can get my average sized ass up off my discount couch from Bob’s, walk over to my full length mirror from Walmart and admire normal, anytime I want.  I can pull out my skinny Old Navy jeans and try in vain to button them without muffin top before I head off to my 9-5 job for casual Friday.  You are not me.  You are not normal.

There is nothing wrong with this woman except for her  interior design taste

You have millions (billions?) of dollars, in bank accounts all over the world, investments in your business ventures and multi-million dollar home(s), own designer clothes, shoes and bags.  And by designer, I do not mean Coach, the brand of the most prolific designer item I own; I mean Christian Louboutin, Gucci, and Valentino.  An extravagant shopping day for the average American woman includes a trip to the Gap.

An all out shopping spree for us normal folk!

Do me a favor, Mindy Kaling, if that is your real name (it’s not): stop comparing yourself to the typical American woman and get a personal trainer.  You have the time, as you do not have a 9am-5pm (in reality it’s 7am-8pm), Monday through Friday job, you do not have 2 kids to take care of because you can afford nannies and drivers, and you do not have workout constraints in which you cannot afford the local gym’s monthly $35 membership fees.  Fast food is an unnecessary treat for you as there is no need for fast food in the life of a celebrity, who can afford the luxury of both personal assistants and personal chefs.  If you are a regular sized woman in the entertainment industry, it is simply because you are lazy.  You are not a breath of fresh air or someone to be admired for your courage and body-positivity in showcasing your pale, meaty thighs; Lena Dunham.

Is it really bravery or just laziness? I think my grandma has the same outfit.

I don’t want to watch myself on TV (I’m between a size 4 and a size 8, depending on what time of year it is and which brand I’m wearing).  I eat black and white cookies when I’m stressed over trying to afford the electric bill and the mortgage payment; I attempt to mimic chic hairstyles like “beachy waves” at the mirror in my 5’ X 5’ bathroom for over an hour in the morning before work, I wear a top with pleather insets at the sides to the local bar to keep up with the current leather trend.  You, the celebrity, cannot eat your cake and have it too.  But that is exactly what these hefty female (and male) elite are trying to do.  And we are celebrating them for it!

What does the pop culture want from us!? People are chastised for the unhealthiness of obesity and shamed for admiring to be skinny. To conquer obesity there needs to be an icon to strive for.   

I want to see beautiful, thin, charismatic women enhance my viewing experience, make me envious and strive to be just like you.  I want to read rag magazine articles about your strenuous 4 hour per day workouts with celebrity trainers and how I can achieve the same outstanding results in 30 minutes per day, 3 times per week, which fits perfectly in my busy all-American woman lifestyle.  I want to see you in your $600 designer jeans (why don’t you wear pants, Lena Dunham!?) and find the $30 sorta look-alike pair in my local TJ Maxx.  I want to wake up one morning after a rare good night’s sleep with my hair wrapped loosely around a headband and find that my hair has incredible bounce and curls and shine, just like yours after a 2 hour hair ses with a top celebrity stylist.  The truth is, I will never be a millionaire, an actress, a producer or own a cosmetics line named after my family, but I can be a size 2.  Just like you, famous person…should be.

A rational person knows this body image is not attainable.   That doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed to enjoy the ones that have achieved this or have something to endeavor for. 

Written by

Christmas Snow

Writer

“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®

ILikeToPlayWithToysProductions@Yahoo.com

Sick Sad Simon Sachmo

After all these years this lost classic is finally released to the public.  A crazy boy named Sick Sad Simon Sachmo becomes obsessed with a girl who is dating a boy he thinks is his best friend all while getting advice about the situation from an imaginary friend name Frank. Made in 2003 and shelved by "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions® for 10 years because it's considered one of the worst videos ever created.