Friday, March 21, 2014

Behind the Scenes...




Watch our cast members jam out acapella style while the crew sets up the camera, lights, sound and everything.  Our first glimpse at "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions®' upcoming feature film.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

WANTED: LEAD ACTRESS (QUEENS/NASSAU)

"I Like To Play With Toys" Productions® is currently seeking a lead actress for a film currently in production. 



It's a no-pay, no frills gig. 

A snapshot of the shooting schedule is as follows. 
LOCATION: Nassau/Queens. 
DAYS: Wednesday-Sunday. 
TIME: 7pm - 10pm on Wed, Thurs and 7pm - ??? on Weekends. Two Saturdays will require an early morning shoot. 
PRODUCTION: April - June. 

The character is Jessica a 26-year-old reformed tomboy who is tormented by her ex-boyfriends with extremely juvenile practical jokes. 

The film is a comedy in the same stylings as Superbad. 

It will be submitted to the Long Island Film Festival, various other local film festivals and have a screening at a local pop culture convention. 

If interested please send head-shots/picture to Joseph at iliketoplaywithtoysproductions@yahoo.com

Friday, March 14, 2014

Kevin Smith is Terrible…In Our Opinion (Part 3 of 4)

A little drawing to emphasize that this article is an opinion.
What you’re about to read is strictly a person’s opinion, no matter how accurate it may seem or how much you agree with the thoughts being presented it’s still just one person’s very agreeable opinion.

Kevin Smith's Portrayal and Treatment of Women





Smith's obsession with comics (an industry notorious for its objectification of women) isn’t bad enough.  It's just another outlet that reinforces his overall opinion of women.  Joey Lauren Adams admitted in an interview with Conan O’Brien that Smith made her be topless in Mallratts but while they were dating in Chasing Amy she did not have the same requirement.  Why could this be? Well Smith probably believed he had no chance with Adams and figured this would be his only chance to get her topless.  Then when he finally won her heart, no nudity required.  This lovely joke involved Smith getting smacked by a topless Adams with no real comedic impact.  Meanwhile showing an intimate romance between two young lovers did not have the same insistence.  Perhaps it was because the naked scene didn’t include his character or maybe he was jealous of the awesome beautifulness that is Ben Affleck.  We’re not sure what caused the inconsistency but we can deduce that it just makes the entire situation more creepy and degrading to women as an entity. 




In Clerks he shows us our hero Dante who is obsessed with this super hot girl, Caitlin, who cheats on him regularly and then ends up having sex with a cadaver.  He created a character that is stunningly gorgeous and a huge slut who’ll even have sex with dead men but won’t give any respect to Retail-Everyman Dante.




Caitlin’s counterpart in the film is equally pathetic.  Homely Veronica screws up her academic career and personal social circles to win the love of Life’s Shit-Stick Dante and then dumps him when he’s finally ready to grow up and love her. So she does all this work to get what she wants and when she finally gets it she changes her mind and decides she does want it.  Smith makes Veronica out to be a classic female stereotype, a dumb fickle bitch.  But even with indecisive women and consensual sex with corpses nothing compares to the disempowerment he committed while writing for Marvel Comics’ heroine Black Cat. 




Black Cat is a sexy cat burglar/antihero in the Spider-Man family.  Smith gets another comic book writing job and much like DC, Marvel knew better than to assign him a main hero and appoints him Black Cat.  How does he change up the comic genre? He writes a story where she gets raped by Mr. Brownstone.  That’s right he takes a powerful beautiful female hero and rapes her.  None of her fighting skills can protect her, not even her superhero friends can save her.  He takes a woman who dresses provocatively and tells a male dominated comic audience that when women dress skanky and try to play with the boys they are begging to be raped.  The message is that women have no business as superheroes.  Much like the misogynistic argument on why women shouldn’t be in the army, police force, or any other male dominated life threatening industry they will be raped and it will be their fault for wanting to be in a profession that protects people.  Now to be fair the editor tries to clean the mess up and the comic states Mr. Brownstone didn’t actually rape her, the attempt was thwarted but none of what is said can be taken with any authenticity. 




Smith writes around the editor to keep his rape ambiguous and the results are even worse.  Her rescue from the attempted rape is never shown, just verbally stated in conversation.  At the very end of the story it’s revealed Black Cat was date-raped years earlier.  She never reported it because she didn’t want to be another statistic.  Why should the reader have any confidence that she’s forthcoming about this latest rape scare?  The comic does not delve into the years of therapy and support groups that let her finally overcome the terrible trauma.  So Smith creates the everlasting “a once a victim always a victim” cycle.  And the comic industry wonders why they can’t increase female readership. 






Written by
Anonymous
“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®

The  writer of this article has chosen not to reveal himself because he's a total wuss and doesn't want to get beat up by Kevin Smith.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Friday, March 7, 2014

Kevin Smith is Terrible…In Our Opinion (Part 2 of 4)

A little drawing to emphasize that this article is an opinion.

What you’re about to read is strictly a person’s opinion, no matter how accurate it may seem or how much you agree with the thoughts being presented it’s still just one person’s very agreeable opinion.

He Openly Admits to Liking Degrassi



The only thing worse than Degrassi are the Teen Nick Degrassi: The Next Generation commercials.  Smith is a grown man who watched a PBS produced show and mistook it for Masterpiece Theatre.  Everyone has likes but Degrassi is an example of Smith abusing his star status and affiliating himself with his likes.  Much like his comic book obsession (which will be discussed later) he needs to force himself into the world like he’s the foremost expert.  No he’s not an expert, he’s just a superfan that affiliates himself with things he likes without actually contributing anything.  JJ Abrams likes science fiction and made an awesome Star Trek film, JJ Abrams likes Star Wars and will without a doubt do everything he can to make an awesome Star Wars film, JJ Abrams likes TV and made several awesome genre defining TV shows.  Kevin Smith likes Degrassi and makes a cameo, Kevin Smith likes Indiana Jones and makes a “No Ticket” joke in Dogma (1999), Kevin Smith likes comics books and writes for Green Arrow (cough lame cough).  DC must have read the script for Superman Lives and knew better than giving him any important DC Universe characters. 


It wouldn't come as a surprise if this was how he wanted the character designed during his writing stint with the emerald archer. 
Who casts Nicholas Cage as Superman? Granted, that was more Tim Burton’s mistake but the inspiration for such a bad casting choice was based off Smith’s script which involved a dead Superman that doesn’t fly and has fighting polar bears. 




Since we’re on the topic, let’s look into Smith’s comic book interest.  We get it, he likes comic books.  Lots of men like comics.   Somehow he’s convinced people he’s the foremost authority on the comic world because he posed a question about Superman blowing a load through Lois Lane’s head unless he used a Kryptonite condom.  Well guess what, Smith is wrong about the entire theory.  Smallville (2001) successfully explained that Clark can do plenty of things without killing people.  The same goes for intimacy.  He’s Superman because he’s the most powerful dude in the world but can control his strength with absolute perfection.  The actual too strong issues arise when he tries to flex his muscle.  As Justice League Unlimited (2004) pointed out, Superman was always very careful not to use too much force so as to not kill someone. 


Lois Lane not dead

Lois Lane not dead.



Lois Lane not dead.

Lana Lang not dead


Wonder Woman, probably dead by getting punched in the back of the head by Superman.

“But Stan Lee was in his film Mallratts (1995), and Chasing Amy (1997) was about a comic book writer, that clearly shows he knows the comic world.”  Stan Lee however awesome he might be is not a rich as people think he is and will ride a dead dolphin while wearing a pink tutu for the right price.  The comic book industry pays absolute crap to its writers, artists, and creators.  Lee much deservedly needs the money and would totally do a film about playing himself being a nice old man.  Chasing Amy was just one of many outlets to continually degrade women. “Gasp” you say? Think about it though.


Stan Lee on his way to his second job to help support his comic book writing hobby.




Written by
Anonymous
“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®

The  writer of this article has chosen not to reveal himself because he's a total wuss and doesn't want to get beat up by Kevin Smith.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4