Alternate Officers - Leo Sayer

This is a mess of a deleted scene. It was re-shot because it started raining.  One of the few that weren't reshot because the prior scene was terrible and only because of weather.

Conan Error 5:20:14

Haha I found an error Conan.  Watch as I own Conan O'Brien!

The Politics of the Smurfs

The Smurfs are a working communist society. This is the popular theory that shall be examined.

Karl Marx and Papa Smurf are one in the same

Let’s start with the Smurf clothing. Papa Smurf has the classic white beard much like the founder of socialism Karl Marx. He’s dressed in red (a popular color associated with communist Russia). All the other Smurfs wear the same colored clothing with the exception of Grandpa Smurf who is dressed in yellow (a popular color associated with communist China) and some children who will be discussed later. The majority have a communist uniform that represses anything other than their government defined identity. Such as Handy Smurf who has a work apron or Brainy Smurf who has stereotypical “Smart Guy” glasses. Smurf’s are not encouraged to go against their assigned positions in life.

Jokey sending letter bombs.  He personally inspired Ted Kaczynski.

Art is allowed but shunned in Smurf society. Jokey Smurf is the resident entertainment in Smurf society and is constantly ridiculed for his antics. Antics he’s required to commit by the societal rules placed on him. Free thinking is shunned by the masses such as the case with Brainy Smurf. His know-it-all ideas are discouraged, only the elder Papa Smurf has any say on the rules of Smurf Society.

Brainy accepting his societal label with pride.

Each Smurf has an assigned task in society, Handy is in construction, Reporter spews the words of Papa Smurf (government controlled news), Baker cooks, Lazy gets to sleep all day (probably because he’s the son of a bureaucrat), Tailor works on clothes, etc. They are assigned tasks based on their names. Their names are given to them by Papa Smurf, the head of Smurf Village, the lead government official. It’s a typical communist ideal, “each according to his ability, each according to his need” way of life.

Gargamel showing his villainous true colors as propagated by a left wing evil European media. 

Gargamel is a big bad capitalist that wants to melt the Smurfs down and turn them into gold. This is a direct correlation with how communist would describe the Cold War. A communist believed the United States wanted to launch nuclear weapons against Communist Russia to attain military and economic superiority.

Communist united under one regime.

The people that were friendly with the Smurfs were communist sympathizers that want to adopt the Smurf way of life but cannot because of their archaic government structures.

A Smurf with no clue what to do with currency.  Perhaps he will turn it over to the local authorities so they can bask in their wealth while he continues to live his impoverished lifestyle. 

There appears to be no currency in Smurf Village. Everyone works but no one receives any pay. Nor do they ever pay anyone for any goods or services received. Brainy tried in institute an economic structure into the Village and it conveniently caused chaos! It seems that everything is free.

Sylvester Stallone may have ended the Cold War with Rocky IV but it was David Hasselhoff who singlehandedly brought down the Berlin Wall.  Unfortunately his mark in history was at the cost of a part in the Smurf movie.  He was blacklisted for being an icon of freedom to the German population..

Some of you are wondering about later episodes featuring the children Slouchy, Snappy, Nat, and Sassette Smurf. They do not fit the typical early Smurf archetypes. They have modern clothes, free spirited ideas and other characteristic traits that are not common with the older Smurfs. These Smurfs represent the fall of the Berlin Wall. Notice how they cause all their own problems and constantly got into trouble? The majority of prior Smurf dilemmas were because they were victims of circumstance or got in over their head while trying to help a commie sympathizer. These newer younger Smurfs defy authority. They are showing the audience how the fall of communism will lead to anarchy. The only saving grace for the young Smurfs who disregard the rules are when the wise old community regime of Papa Smurf flies in to save the day and show them the error of their free thinking capitalistic ways.

Emo Freak Smurf!

This commie show is the main reason for whiny Emo freaks! It pumped nothing but communist propaganda into the minds of young children in the hopes they would vote for politicians that shared the ideas that were perpetuated by their commie icon Papa Smurf every Saturday morning. Do not let your children watch this program. It’s our opinion that it can be far more damaging to their psyche than a Quincy marathon.

How come there is no Grandma Smurf?
Grandpa had her killed for promoting laissez-faire.

Quincy!

Written by

Joseph Ammendolea

President/Owner

“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®

ILikeToPlayWithToysProductions@Yahoo.com

COMICCON 13 – AN OUTISDER’S PERSPECTIVE

COMICCON 13 – AN OUTISDER’S PERSPECTIVE

A picture of our writer Dave, the man who claims to be a Comic Con outsider at a video game competition.

In October of 2013, I attended my first ComicCon thanks to the kind donation of a spare press pass. Ultimately, I am probably the last person who should attend these events. I don’t follow any specific brand of science-fiction/comic/geek-icon. That’s not me feeling superior; I admire these attendees’ dedication to their favorite characters and intellectual properties. However, it wasn’t a complete waste of time – I learned quite a bit swimming through the costumed hoard.  For example:

THERE’S LITERALLY TOO MUCH GOING ON

Two girls with unregistered firearms

Prior to entering, I was given a nifty little souvenir book with a handy grid highlighting all the panels taking place during the course of the event with many of the more interesting ones overlapping with each other. Hard decisions would have to be made if I had the patience to sit in any of them. Luckily, I did not.

EVERYONE JUST MAKES THEMSELVES AT HOME

He wasn't here for the convention.  This is his normal outfit.

The younger fans attend these events in swarms and they’re ready to set up a makeshift shanty wherever I happen to need to be. The cell-phone charging stations are popular spots. Electricity was like water to the parched and they made sure they weren’t removing themselves from their encampment. But besides that, I was constantly tripping over some free-spirited twentysomethings in full costume sitting on the floor gleefully fingering their Magic decks.

NINTENDO WILL NEVER GO BROKE IF THEY JUST KEEP RELEASING POKEMON GAMES

Not endorsed by Nintendo of America

My time spent at CC coincided with the release of Pokemon X and Y for the Nintendo 3DS. And apparently the line for those games stretched way back out the door of the Jacob Javits and, likely, to Penn Station.  Good luck breaking through that queue.  My right to ingress and egress was not keeping them from collecting them all, all over again.

YOU WILL LOSE YOUR COMPANIONS

These are truly tourist who believe they can find stolen bike in NYC

A humongous amount of space packed to the gills with people dressed as Spidermen, Hulks and Chells is the perfect setting for losing your CC partner. Forget about any meeting places. You’ll never get to the rendezvous point in time before your partner’s boredom to get the upper hand or something interesting lures him or her away.  You can try calling, but your phone is probably long dead from all the pictures and tweeting and you’re not ‘in’ good enough with the denizens of the aforementioned charge stations.

PEOPLE WILL SPEND MONEY ON ANYTHING

That hug wasn't free. The Kitty wasn't the only thing saying hello either.

Mattel had their own little booth and were selling replica Hover Boards as seen in the enjoyable but still needless-complicated Back to the Future II. It was priced at a few hundred dollars and I’m assuming it doesn’t actually hover. “Who would purchase that?”, I thought to myself. And, of course, I see a couple of grown men carrying around those pricy boxes moments later. Ah, to have disposable income…

I’M INSANELY JEALOUS OF THIS GENERATION

Moments later some Mortal Kombat cosplayers swooped in and ripped their hearts of of their chest.

It’s bittersweet to see that no matter how “geeky” or “esoteric” one’s obsession may seem to outsiders, there are plenty of like-minded individuals who share the same enthusiasm. For example: male fans of “My Little Pony” in my day and age would be one-way ticket to a lifetime of mockery and torture. Nowadays, they have plenty of back-up and could make short work of any smart-mouthed detractor. But that’s just one of literally hundreds of groups anyone could comfortably belong. It’s inspiring to see that the hobby looked-down upon back when I was growing up has grown legs and become a behemoth, unaffected by the out-of-touch geezers who still think pejoratively calling someone a dork, geek or nerd is at all effective in breaking the spirit of these devotees.

And I am jealous. Though I was never as invested in the comics or science-fiction, I wouldn’t have minded hanging with these people, dressing in an elaborate costumes, cackling in excitement with every announcement of a new movie, book, video game, TV show or what-have-you. From what I saw of them, observing from the outside, they never stopped having the time of their lives. 

Written by

David Rerecich

“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®

ILikeToPlayWithToysProductions@Yahoo.com

Billy and Daniela's Wedding Entrance

Check out Billy and Daniela's Wedding Entrance as only they can do it.

Behind the Scenes...2

Watch our cast members jam out to some Frozen during some downtime in-between takes.  Only the second official glimpse at "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions®' upcoming feature film.

Kevin Smith is Terrible…In Our Opinion (Part 4 of 4)

A little drawing to emphasize that this article is an opinion.

What you’re about to read is strictly a person’s opinion, no matter how accurate it may seem or how much you agree with the thoughts being presented it’s still just one person’s very agreeable opinion.

Defending the Guilty

I don’t hate Star Wars: Episode’s I, II, and III but I know it’s a losing battle trying to defend such films to my fellow nerds.  Especially when their arguments are justified.  Smith proudly champions how much he likes the films and even applauded George Lucas’ decision to have Hayden Christensen play Anikin Skywalker like a whiny emo freak.  When does anyone like whiny emo freaks? The answer is never; because they are sniveling self-absorbed outcasts who think their problems are unique.  Could it be Smith relates a little too closely to the character?

Then there was the Conan O’Brien/Jay Leno feud.  Smith took his stance with Leno all the way.  Even the NBC Executives hated Leno.  He was just the stopgap until they could replace him again. This has been discussed before but Leno was the cause of the problem to begin with and O’Brien got the blame.  NBC had an affiliate disaster on their hands and had to scramble to fix it.  Smith publically sides with Leno.  Why? Because Leno’s humor is as simple and mindless as Smith’s.  O’Brien’s humor is more sophisticated and silly.  That’s right there is sophistication about a bear in a diaper that masturbates.  Smith sided with the mindless drivel that mirrors his own.  Maybe we can hope for some humor as clever as the Dancing Judge Itos in his next movie.  It’s one thing to like a form of comedy or certain comedian better.  It’s another thing to support one who’s being a total douche-bag and should do the classy thing and step down.  If you publically support doucheness you give off the impression that you’re a douche yourself. 

This persona emanates from a man who complained about Paul Thomas Anderson and his film masterpiece Magnolia (1999).  Smith refers to the film as “a bloated sense of self-importance.”  Self-importance?  Magnolia is admittedly not a film for everyone but it certainly is not bloated or self-important.  It’s a thought provoking movie about how people’s lives intersect. It’s an example of how human beings are all connected and go through their own battles and turmoil.  It shows how these struggles go unnoticed by the people they’re casually connected to but these interactions define their choices in life. 

I suppose that message is too deep for the writing genius of a woman with a third nipple or a thought provoking story about a girl who was straight then gay then straight then gay again.  Anderson is responsible for other awesome films such as Boogie Nights (1997), There Will Be Blood (2007), and Punch Drunk Love (2002).  Perhaps it’s jealously that spurns the feud between these directors.  After all Anderson’s films are critically acclaimed, nominated for multiple Oscars, and give you something to think about after viewing them.  Smith’s movies all take place in the same little film world. 

This is more rumor and innuendo but it’s been claimed that Smith threw the gauntlet down to Anderson to try and create a 90 minute romantic comedy and Anderson responded with Punch Drunk Love at a specific running time of 89 minutes.  Internet sources state the runtime as 95 minutes.  Either way Anderson creates a film that invokes the best acting Adam Sandler ever did as well as attaining a well constructed and deep story that was critically acclaimed.  Basically an artistic “Fuck You” to Smith.  All Smith can do, is verbally exclaim his dislike for Magnolia and vow to never watch it again.

Are these thoughts so shocking?  What’s to be expected from a man that can’t even put in enough contemplation to changing his clothes?  Silent Bob is dressed in the same damn trench coat in all the films. What’s that you say?  So is Indiana Jones?  Nope, not true.  Indy changes his clothes; he’s in the hat and leather coat only while on archeological expeditions.  At class, in the library, or even at the club he’s in a suit.  Silent Bob can make no such claim.  And let’s just say backwards cap=douche.

     

    

                                                

Now we see Smith in that orange Comic Book Men jersey all the time.  He’s trying to be the Mr. Met of his own freaking TV show.  Leonard Nimoy is the face of Star Trek because his performance, his character, and he himself is awesome.  Nimoy doesn’t need to dress up as Spock everywhere he goes to talk about Star Trek.  This is because Nimoy isn’t a tool. 

   

Perhaps my opinions are too harsh?  What chance did Kevin Smith have of being a decent human being?  After all he’s from New Jersey.  He’s not the worst thing to be produced from that State.  He doesn’t even crack the top 100 worst things from New Jersey.  I suppose when we factor that in we should all be grateful that he isn’t worse. 

Written by

Anonymous

“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®

ILikeToPlayWithToysProductions@Yahoo.com

The  writer of this article has chosen not to reveal himself because he's a total wuss and doesn't want to get beat up by Kevin Smith.

Honorable Mention: Kevin Smith is better than this dude.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Behind the Scenes...

Watch our cast members jam out acapella style while the crew sets up the camera, lights, sound and everything.  Our first glimpse at "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions®' upcoming feature film.

WANTED: LEAD ACTRESS (QUEENS/NASSAU)

"I Like To Play With Toys" Productions® is currently seeking a lead actress for a film currently in production. 

It's a no-pay, no frills gig. 

A snapshot of the shooting schedule is as follows. 
LOCATION: Nassau/Queens. 
DAYS: Wednesday-Sunday. 
TIME: 7pm - 10pm on Wed, Thurs and 7pm - ??? on Weekends. Two Saturdays will require an early morning shoot. 
PRODUCTION: April - June. 

The character is Jessica a 26-year-old reformed tomboy who is tormented by her ex-boyfriends with extremely juvenile practical jokes. 

The film is a comedy in the same stylings as Superbad. 

It will be submitted to the Long Island Film Festival, various other local film festivals and have a screening at a local pop culture convention. 

If interested please send head-shots/picture to Joseph at iliketoplaywithtoysproductions@yahoo.com

Kevin Smith is Terrible…In Our Opinion (Part 3 of 4)

A little drawing to emphasize that this article is an opinion.

What you’re about to read is strictly a person’s opinion, no matter how accurate it may seem or how much you agree with the thoughts being presented it’s still just one person’s very agreeable opinion.

Kevin Smith's Portrayal and Treatment of Women

Smith's obsession with comics (an industry notorious for its objectification of women) isn’t bad enough.  It's just another outlet that reinforces his overall opinion of women.  Joey Lauren Adams admitted in an interview with Conan O’Brien that Smith made her be topless in Mallratts but while they were dating in Chasing Amy she did not have the same requirement.  Why could this be? Well Smith probably believed he had no chance with Adams and figured this would be his only chance to get her topless.  Then when he finally won her heart, no nudity required.  This lovely joke involved Smith getting smacked by a topless Adams with no real comedic impact.  Meanwhile showing an intimate romance between two young lovers did not have the same insistence.  Perhaps it was because the naked scene didn’t include his character or maybe he was jealous of the awesome beautifulness that is Ben Affleck.  We’re not sure what caused the inconsistency but we can deduce that it just makes the entire situation more creepy and degrading to women as an entity. 

In Clerks he shows us our hero Dante who is obsessed with this super hot girl, Caitlin, who cheats on him regularly and then ends up having sex with a cadaver.  He created a character that is stunningly gorgeous and a huge slut who’ll even have sex with dead men but won’t give any respect to Retail-Everyman Dante.

Caitlin’s counterpart in the film is equally pathetic.  Homely Veronica screws up her academic career and personal social circles to win the love of Life’s Shit-Stick Dante and then dumps him when he’s finally ready to grow up and love her. So she does all this work to get what she wants and when she finally gets it she changes her mind and decides she does want it.  Smith makes Veronica out to be a classic female stereotype, a dumb fickle bitch.  But even with indecisive women and consensual sex with corpses nothing compares to the disempowerment he committed while writing for Marvel Comics’ heroine Black Cat. 

Black Cat is a sexy cat burglar/antihero in the Spider-Man family.  Smith gets another comic book writing job and much like DC, Marvel knew better than to assign him a main hero and appoints him Black Cat.  How does he change up the comic genre? He writes a story where she gets raped by Mr. Brownstone.  That’s right he takes a powerful beautiful female hero and rapes her.  None of her fighting skills can protect her, not even her superhero friends can save her.  He takes a woman who dresses provocatively and tells a male dominated comic audience that when women dress skanky and try to play with the boys they are begging to be raped.  The message is that women have no business as superheroes.  Much like the misogynistic argument on why women shouldn’t be in the army, police force, or any other male dominated life threatening industry they will be raped and it will be their fault for wanting to be in a profession that protects people.  Now to be fair the editor tries to clean the mess up and the comic states Mr. Brownstone didn’t actually rape her, the attempt was thwarted but none of what is said can be taken with any authenticity. 

Smith writes around the editor to keep his rape ambiguous and the results are even worse.  Her rescue from the attempted rape is never shown, just verbally stated in conversation.  At the very end of the story it’s revealed Black Cat was date-raped years earlier.  She never reported it because she didn’t want to be another statistic.  Why should the reader have any confidence that she’s forthcoming about this latest rape scare?  The comic does not delve into the years of therapy and support groups that let her finally overcome the terrible trauma.  So Smith creates the everlasting “a once a victim always a victim” cycle.  And the comic industry wonders why they can’t increase female readership. 

Written by

Anonymous

“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®

ILikeToPlayWithToysProductions@Yahoo.com

The  writer of this article has chosen not to reveal himself because he's a total wuss and doesn't want to get beat up by Kevin Smith.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4