Friday, April 18, 2014

Behind the Scenes...2

Watch our cast members jam out to som Frozen during some downtime in-between takes.  Only the second official glimpse at "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions®' upcoming feature film.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Kevin Smith is Terrible…In Our Opinion (Part 4 of 4)

A little drawing to emphasize that this article is an opinion.

What you’re about to read is strictly a person’s opinion, no matter how accurate it may seem or how much you agree with the thoughts being presented it’s still just one person’s very agreeable opinion.

Defending the Guilty

I don’t hate Star Wars: Episode’s I, II, and III but I know it’s a losing battle trying to defend such films to my fellow nerds.  Especially when their arguments are justified.  Smith proudly champions how much he likes the films and even applauded George Lucas’ decision to have Hayden Christensen play Anikin Skywalker like a whiny emo freak.  When does anyone like whiny emo freaks? The answer is never; because they are sniveling self-absorbed outcasts who think their problems are unique.  Could it be Smith relates a little too closely to the character?

Then there was the Conan O’Brien/Jay Leno feud.  Smith took his stance with Leno all the way.  Even the NBC Executives hated Leno.  He was just the stopgap until they could replace him again. This has been discussed before but Leno was the cause of the problem to begin with and O’Brien got the blame.  NBC had an affiliate disaster on their hands and had to scramble to fix it.  Smith publically sides with Leno.  Why? Because Leno’s humor is as simple and mindless as Smith’s.  O’Brien’s humor is more sophisticated and silly.  That’s right there is sophistication about a bear in a diaper that masturbates.  Smith sided with the mindless drivel that mirrors his own.  Maybe we can hope for some humor as clever as the Dancing Judge Itos in his next movie.  It’s one thing to like a form of comedy or certain comedian better.  It’s another thing to support one who’s being a total douche-bag and should do the classy thing and step down.  If you publically support doucheness you give off the impression that you’re a douche yourself. 

This persona emanates from a man who complained about Paul Thomas Anderson and his film masterpiece Magnolia (1999).  Smith refers to the film as “a bloated sense of self-importance.”  Self-importance?  Magnolia is admittedly not a film for everyone but it certainly is not bloated or self-important.  It’s a thought provoking movie about how people’s lives intersect. It’s an example of how human beings are all connected and go through their own battles and turmoil.  It shows how these struggles go unnoticed by the people they’re casually connected to but these interactions define their choices in life. 

I suppose that message is too deep for the writing genius of a woman with a third nipple or a thought provoking story about a girl who was straight then gay then straight then gay again.  Anderson is responsible for other awesome films such as Boogie Nights (1997), There Will Be Blood (2007), and Punch Drunk Love (2002).  Perhaps it’s jealously that spurns the feud between these directors.  After all Anderson’s films are critically acclaimed, nominated for multiple Oscars, and give you something to think about after viewing them.  Smith’s movies all take place in the same little film world. 

This is more rumor and innuendo but it’s been claimed that Smith threw the gauntlet down to Anderson to try and create a 90 minute romantic comedy and Anderson responded with Punch Drunk Love at a specific running time of 89 minutes.  Internet sources state the runtime as 95 minutes.  Either way Anderson creates a film that invokes the best acting Adam Sandler ever did as well as attaining a well constructed and deep story that was critically acclaimed.  Basically an artistic “Fuck You” to Smith.  All Smith can do, is verbally exclaim his dislike for Magnolia and vow to never watch it again.

Are these thoughts so shocking?  What’s to be expected from a man that can’t even put in enough contemplation to changing his clothes?  Silent Bob is dressed in the same damn trench coat in all the films. What’s that you say?  So is Indiana Jones?  Nope, not true.  Indy changes his clothes; he’s in the hat and leather coat only while on archeological expeditions.  At class, in the library, or even at the club he’s in a suit.  Silent Bob can make no such claim.  And let’s just say backwards cap=douche.



Now we see Smith in that orange Comic Book Men jersey all the time.  He’s trying to be the Mr. Met of his own freaking TV show.  Leonard Nimoy is the face of Star Trek because his performance, his character, and he himself is awesome.  Nimoy doesn’t need to dress up as Spock everywhere he goes to talk about Star Trek.  This is because Nimoy isn’t a tool. 

Perhaps my opinions are too harsh?  What chance did Kevin Smith have of being a decent human being?  After all he’s from New Jersey.  He’s not the worst thing to be produced from that State.  He doesn’t even crack the top 100 worst things from New Jersey.  I suppose when we factor that in we should all be grateful that he isn’t worse. 

Written by
“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®

The  writer of this article has chosen not to reveal himself because he's a total wuss and doesn't want to get beat up by Kevin Smith.

Honorable Mention: Kevin Smith is better than this dude.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Friday, March 21, 2014

Behind the Scenes...

Watch our cast members jam out acapella style while the crew sets up the camera, lights, sound and everything.  Our first glimpse at "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions®' upcoming feature film.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014


"I Like To Play With Toys" Productions® is currently seeking a lead actress for a film currently in production. 

It's a no-pay, no frills gig. 

A snapshot of the shooting schedule is as follows. 
LOCATION: Nassau/Queens. 
DAYS: Wednesday-Sunday. 
TIME: 7pm - 10pm on Wed, Thurs and 7pm - ??? on Weekends. Two Saturdays will require an early morning shoot. 
PRODUCTION: April - June. 

The character is Jessica a 26-year-old reformed tomboy who is tormented by her ex-boyfriends with extremely juvenile practical jokes. 

The film is a comedy in the same stylings as Superbad. 

It will be submitted to the Long Island Film Festival, various other local film festivals and have a screening at a local pop culture convention. 

If interested please send head-shots/picture to Joseph at

Friday, March 14, 2014

Kevin Smith is Terrible…In Our Opinion (Part 3 of 4)

A little drawing to emphasize that this article is an opinion.
What you’re about to read is strictly a person’s opinion, no matter how accurate it may seem or how much you agree with the thoughts being presented it’s still just one person’s very agreeable opinion.

Kevin Smith's Portrayal and Treatment of Women

Smith's obsession with comics (an industry notorious for its objectification of women) isn’t bad enough.  It's just another outlet that reinforces his overall opinion of women.  Joey Lauren Adams admitted in an interview with Conan O’Brien that Smith made her be topless in Mallratts but while they were dating in Chasing Amy she did not have the same requirement.  Why could this be? Well Smith probably believed he had no chance with Adams and figured this would be his only chance to get her topless.  Then when he finally won her heart, no nudity required.  This lovely joke involved Smith getting smacked by a topless Adams with no real comedic impact.  Meanwhile showing an intimate romance between two young lovers did not have the same insistence.  Perhaps it was because the naked scene didn’t include his character or maybe he was jealous of the awesome beautifulness that is Ben Affleck.  We’re not sure what caused the inconsistency but we can deduce that it just makes the entire situation more creepy and degrading to women as an entity. 

In Clerks he shows us our hero Dante who is obsessed with this super hot girl, Caitlin, who cheats on him regularly and then ends up having sex with a cadaver.  He created a character that is stunningly gorgeous and a huge slut who’ll even have sex with dead men but won’t give any respect to Retail-Everyman Dante.

Caitlin’s counterpart in the film is equally pathetic.  Homely Veronica screws up her academic career and personal social circles to win the love of Life’s Shit-Stick Dante and then dumps him when he’s finally ready to grow up and love her. So she does all this work to get what she wants and when she finally gets it she changes her mind and decides she does want it.  Smith makes Veronica out to be a classic female stereotype, a dumb fickle bitch.  But even with indecisive women and consensual sex with corpses nothing compares to the disempowerment he committed while writing for Marvel Comics’ heroine Black Cat. 

Black Cat is a sexy cat burglar/antihero in the Spider-Man family.  Smith gets another comic book writing job and much like DC, Marvel knew better than to assign him a main hero and appoints him Black Cat.  How does he change up the comic genre? He writes a story where she gets raped by Mr. Brownstone.  That’s right he takes a powerful beautiful female hero and rapes her.  None of her fighting skills can protect her, not even her superhero friends can save her.  He takes a woman who dresses provocatively and tells a male dominated comic audience that when women dress skanky and try to play with the boys they are begging to be raped.  The message is that women have no business as superheroes.  Much like the misogynistic argument on why women shouldn’t be in the army, police force, or any other male dominated life threatening industry they will be raped and it will be their fault for wanting to be in a profession that protects people.  Now to be fair the editor tries to clean the mess up and the comic states Mr. Brownstone didn’t actually rape her, the attempt was thwarted but none of what is said can be taken with any authenticity. 

Smith writes around the editor to keep his rape ambiguous and the results are even worse.  Her rescue from the attempted rape is never shown, just verbally stated in conversation.  At the very end of the story it’s revealed Black Cat was date-raped years earlier.  She never reported it because she didn’t want to be another statistic.  Why should the reader have any confidence that she’s forthcoming about this latest rape scare?  The comic does not delve into the years of therapy and support groups that let her finally overcome the terrible trauma.  So Smith creates the everlasting “a once a victim always a victim” cycle.  And the comic industry wonders why they can’t increase female readership. 

Written by
“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®

The  writer of this article has chosen not to reveal himself because he's a total wuss and doesn't want to get beat up by Kevin Smith.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Friday, March 7, 2014

Kevin Smith is Terrible…In Our Opinion (Part 2 of 4)

A little drawing to emphasize that this article is an opinion.

What you’re about to read is strictly a person’s opinion, no matter how accurate it may seem or how much you agree with the thoughts being presented it’s still just one person’s very agreeable opinion.

He Openly Admits to Liking Degrassi

The only thing worse than Degrassi are the Teen Nick Degrassi: The Next Generation commercials.  Smith is a grown man who watched a PBS produced show and mistook it for Masterpiece Theatre.  Everyone has likes but Degrassi is an example of Smith abusing his star status and affiliating himself with his likes.  Much like his comic book obsession (which will be discussed later) he needs to force himself into the world like he’s the foremost expert.  No he’s not an expert, he’s just a superfan that affiliates himself with things he likes without actually contributing anything.  JJ Abrams likes science fiction and made an awesome Star Trek film, JJ Abrams likes Star Wars and will without a doubt do everything he can to make an awesome Star Wars film, JJ Abrams likes TV and made several awesome genre defining TV shows.  Kevin Smith likes Degrassi and makes a cameo, Kevin Smith likes Indiana Jones and makes a “No Ticket” joke in Dogma (1999), Kevin Smith likes comics books and writes for Green Arrow (cough lame cough).  DC must have read the script for Superman Lives and knew better than giving him any important DC Universe characters. 

It wouldn't come as a surprise if this was how he wanted the character designed during his writing stint with the emerald archer. 
Who casts Nicholas Cage as Superman? Granted, that was more Tim Burton’s mistake but the inspiration for such a bad casting choice was based off Smith’s script which involved a dead Superman that doesn’t fly and has fighting polar bears. 

Since we’re on the topic, let’s look into Smith’s comic book interest.  We get it, he likes comic books.  Lots of men like comics.   Somehow he’s convinced people he’s the foremost authority on the comic world because he posed a question about Superman blowing a load through Lois Lane’s head unless he used a Kryptonite condom.  Well guess what, Smith is wrong about the entire theory.  Smallville (2001) successfully explained that Clark can do plenty of things without killing people.  The same goes for intimacy.  He’s Superman because he’s the most powerful dude in the world but can control his strength with absolute perfection.  The actual too strong issues arise when he tries to flex his muscle.  As Justice League Unlimited (2004) pointed out, Superman was always very careful not to use too much force so as to not kill someone. 

Lois Lane not dead

Lois Lane not dead.

Lois Lane not dead.

Lana Lang not dead

Wonder Woman, probably dead by getting punched in the back of the head by Superman.

“But Stan Lee was in his film Mallratts (1995), and Chasing Amy (1997) was about a comic book writer, that clearly shows he knows the comic world.”  Stan Lee however awesome he might be is not a rich as people think he is and will ride a dead dolphin while wearing a pink tutu for the right price.  The comic book industry pays absolute crap to its writers, artists, and creators.  Lee much deservedly needs the money and would totally do a film about playing himself being a nice old man.  Chasing Amy was just one of many outlets to continually degrade women. “Gasp” you say? Think about it though.

Stan Lee on his way to his second job to help support his comic book writing hobby.

Written by
“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®

The  writer of this article has chosen not to reveal himself because he's a total wuss and doesn't want to get beat up by Kevin Smith.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Friday, February 21, 2014

Winter Review

“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions® will be providing the video segues for St. Gregory’s Theater Group 35th anniversary celebration.  The vignettes will be presented in between live performances this weekend.  It will focus on the history of SGTG and funny moments that occurred throughout its 35 year run.  

Here is a link to the Facebook event 

So please  join St. Gregory's Theatre Group - SGTG as we celebrate our 35th anniversary. Our winter show is a musical review of songs from many of our past shows. Come see some of your favorite performers from years past that have helped to make us famous! 

The performances will be held in the Oak Room (the basement of St. Gregory the Great church) on Friday and Saturday, February 21st and 22nd, at 8:00pm and a Sunday matinee on February 23rd at 2:00pm. 

For tickets call (718) 989-2451, send an email to TICKETS@SGTG.ORG, or pick them up in the Gathering Space after Mass on Sunday's. Ticket prices are $18 for adults, $15 for seniors, and $7 for children under 12.

Come enjoy the show!! To God through stage!

From Long Island:
Long Island Expressway or Northern State Parkway west to the Corss Island Parkway south. Exit 28A (Hillside Avenue). Cross over Hillside Avenue. Go Straight along Service Raod to 88 Avenue. Make a right. Church is on immediate left with parking on the right.


Long Island Expressway or Grand Central Parkway East, to Cross Island Parkway south. Follow above directions.

From Brooklyn or Staten Island:
Belt Parkway/Cross Island Parkway to Hillside Avenue(Exit 28A). Make a left at traffic light, cross over parkway, make another left at first traffic light. Go down service road to 88 Avenue and make a right. Church is on immediate left, parking is on the right.

For alternate route, use Jericho Turnpike (Route 25).