Monday, January 28, 2013

Late Night Conspiracies

Letterman and O'Brien plotting their ultimate revenge scheme.

David Letterman plans to pass The Late Show torch to Conan O’Brien. This comes as shocking news to most of you but there are a series of events that have led to this theory.

A Long Time Ago in a Land Far, Far, Away

It was clear that Carson endorsed Letterman over Leno.  Carson never made a single appearance on The Tonight Show after retirement but did make a cameo on The Late Show.  After his death it was revealed he also wrote occasional monologue jokes for Letterman's show.

Imagine Late Night TV as a monarchy of sorts. Our story dates back to its last unilaterally recognized great ruler Johnny Carson abdicating The Tonight Show thrown in 1992. That decision caused an influx of contenders to spring up in an attempt to claim the crown. The two favorite candidates were Late Night host David Letterman and Friday night Tonight Show guest host Jay Leno. Carson’s support rested with David Letterman but TV Network Executives preferred overall the Middle America appeal to sarcastic New York City humor. A brutal war was fought and Jay Leno was crowned the winner and thus became host of The Tonight Show. Despite losing the war David Letterman retreated into the mountains of CBS and launched a guerilla campaign aimed at usurping the new Tonight Show superpower. For a time Letterman’s Late Show was winning this second front until a little Englishman named Hugh Grant got caught eating a Big Mac even though he had a fully cooked prime rib waiting for him at home. Hugh decided to explain his eating habits on Jay Leno’s show and Leno became the undisputed Late Night ruler from that point forward (ratings wise that is).

Conan and Andy making out.

Meanwhile, in the southern country region David Letterman’s former Late Night show was left without a Lord to tend the land. An unlikely Knight rose from peasantry to tame the unsettled land and was hailed as a hero by all. Conan O’Brien and his squire Andy Richter were accepted by Jay Leno and David Letterman as the perfect fit for 12:35. As the years went on O’Brien’s popularity steadily increased and the peasants began to ask when he would get his chance to rule. Leno, under the guise of trying to avoid another Late Night War decided to abdicate his thrown to the more talented Knight, a move that was quietly endorsed by Carson himself.

When Moses was disowned by the Pharaoh his name was stricken from all text as if he never existed as part of the royal family. NBC shares this same tactic here is a rare photo confirming Conan O’Brien hosted The Tonight Show for a brief time.
Many seasons passed before O’Brien’s coronation but when the time finally came Leno’s plan began to unfold. He proceeded to sabotage the young ruler’s reign by trying to build a taller less stable 10pm castle right next door. When the castle collapsed it fell right on O’Brien and Richter’s new kingdom, utterly destroying it. The deities of the network blamed O’Brien for the destruction of the kingdom and reinstated the prior ruler in his place. No amount of pleading from the peasantry was enough to save the Knight and his Squire. They were banished to the land of basic cable talk shows where they remain to this day.

A still of Letterman in the pilot episode of his future sitcom Angry Old Dude to be aird on OWN in 2020.

Throughout the Second Late Night War there was one clear supporter of the new ruler. His name was David Letterman, the rightful heir to the Tonight Show thrown. Letterman empathized with O’Brien’s loss; Letterman suffered his own scars during his battle with Leno the Maleficent. O’Brien was in fact the rightful heir to the throne. He was endorsed by all the prior Kings before him (legitimate and illegitimate) only to be jawed by a high pitched crow who could not let go of his power.

The Theory!

The three claimants to the throne.

Now let’s fast forward to the present. Craig Ferguson is the host of The Late Late Show and former rival to Conan O’Brien. Craig has a clause in his contract that basically states if David Letterman becomes incapacitated to a point where he can no longer host his program Ferguson is automatically appointed to the position. Many believe this is a sign that Ferguson will inherit the Late Show throne. Late Night royalty is never that cut and dry though. If Dave should choose to pass the baton onto someone else before his unexpected demise or inevitable stroke, Ferguson’s claim to the Empire is void.

Conan O'Brien doing the voice of David Endocrine in The Dark Knight Returns.  The character of Endocrine was based on David Letterman. Another indicator that Conan plans to step into Dave's shoes.

Letterman’s been fighting the same war for almost two decades and has grown tired of the fight. He told daytime talk show Queen Oprah in January 2013 that he is one year younger than his idol Johnny Carson when he retired at age 66. He also mentioned this same retirement plan in a passing conversation on The Late Show in February 2011. In that same month and year Craig Ferguson made an appearance on O’Brien’s Basic Cable TV show Conan. Ferguson’s purpose on the show was to promote The Late Late Show, but his appearance seemed rather out of the blue. The two were playing nice to the point that one could posture a deal was bartered in which business required them to get along. In April 2011 David Letterman accepts Comedy Central’s Johnny Carson award and at the end of his acceptance speech bellows out “Oh, and God Bless Basic Cable!” This is the same basic cable where his new ally in arms O’Brien is now relegated to. Letterman is famous for regularly making inside jokes to his audience even though only a few would understand the references. These clues clearly indicate that David Letterman has quietly signed a deal with Conan O’Brien to inherit the reigns of The Late Show after he retires. Letterman wishes to appoint a person who will carry on his epic crusade of good versus evil against the villainous Jay Leno.

No one cares

of these dudes

about any

Written by
Joseph Ammendolea
“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Emily is One Lucky Lady

How can "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions® ever compete with brilliant videos like this?  What was Emily's reaction?