Merry Christmas from "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions®

Blue Movie Interview Outtakes

The History of Blue Movie at the 2012 New York City Comic Con

New York Comic Con 2012

Watch as "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions® interviews the people at the 2012 New York Comic Con.

BLUE MOVIE SEWING SHADOWS

Happy Thanksgiving

Joanna Says No to the Power Company!

2012 NYCC - The History of Blue Movie

The History of Blue Movie while at the 2012 New York City Comic Con

While attending the 2012 New York Comic Con "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions® got the opportunity to sit down and talk with the heavy metal band Blue Movie.  They shared with us the origins of their early days as a chimney sweeping company and their inevitable switch to a heavy metal music sensation.

Interview Outtakes

Some of the more awkward moments while interviewing the heavy metal band.

New York Comic Con 2012

Watch as "I Like To Play With Toys" Productions® makes the rounds and interviews the fans at NYCC 2012. Discover who's mom is the best seamstress. Find out the winner of the classic Mr. Belvedere vs Tony Micelli fight to the death. Enjoy the pretty girls and the silly shenanigans.

Were Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine Prohibitionist?

The Real Reason the for the Fall of the Galactic Empire.

Mark Goldstein creator of geekandyoushallfind.com and I were discussing the finer points of the current 2012 US presidential election. Mark stated he would prefer to endorse Palpatine/Vader for 2012. I informed him that Vader would probably want to repeal the 21st amendment.

For those of you that don’t know, the 21st amendment repelled the 18th amendment which was prohibition. I was of course thinking of the 22nd amendment which set term limits for the presidency.

Mark holding a deep intellectual discussion about Star Wars with some lifelike statues. The weird part was he lost the debate.

Rather than admitting I was a total moron that didn’t know the constitution I threw down a gauntlet of historically geeky proportions. I began to insist that Darth Vader would be against the purchasing and selling of alcohol. Mark stated Vader would be all about getting his subjects intoxicated in an effort to better oppress them. We debated for several days and then realized an article should be written discussing the finer points of this topic. In an effort to show blog superiority I have decided rush my blog into publication first and thus thrust geekandyoushallfind.com’s article into the poor imitation category.



In Star Wars Episode II Attack of the Clones Obi-Wan Kenobi was offered the option of buying death sticks at a local hot spot on the planet of Coruscant. Given the colorful name and the cloak and dagger approach from the Death Sticks supplier the viewer is left to assume that he is propositioning Obi-Wan for expensive loving or some type of narcotic. The ever wise Obi-Wan uses his Jedi Mind Trick to convince the poor narcotics dealer to stop peddling the Star Wars equivalent of E and go home and think about the direction his life is headed. Obi-Wan seemed pretty confident that this drug dealer had no future in Death Stick sales. Obi-Wan is so confident this dude's career choice is wrong. He manipulates this dude’s life ambition of becoming a drug lord into getting a minimum wage job and the Star Wars equivalent of Chic-Fil-A.

Our friendly Death Stick salesman Elan (third from the left) in a group photo with his food service colleagues.

As we all know Obi-Wan trained Darth Vader in the Jedi arts before he turned to the Dark Side of the force. The strict view on Death Sticks can at least apply to a dislike for all types of inebriating substances. Therefore Darth Vader was raised to be personally against alcohol. These ideals grew into adulthood. Even when Vader was all hardcore evil, he was still trying to enact his childhood ideals, just in a more ruthless manner.

Darth Vader embracing his inner child with a quick game of Red Lightsaber, Green Lightsaber 1-2-3. The kid in the cape didn't survive.

Let’s look at Darth Vader running the Empire with Emperor Palpatine. Emperor Palpatine knows that Darth Vader is planning to take out the Emperor and rule the galaxy himself. As referenced in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back when Vader plotted several times to take out the Emperor. Palpatine needs something to keep Vader busy. Palpatine already had his apprentice hunt down and kill all the remaining Jedi. What’s left? The best way to keep Darth Vader busy is to give him a task that will be all time consuming and a cause he believes in. Thus the 18th amendment is passed. Alcohol is illegal.

Darth Vader and Nancy Reagan promoting the Empire's anti-drug campaign.

History shows that a black market will crop up to compensate for such an oppressive law. Palpatine decided to have his best and brightest put this new black market in its place. Thus Darth Vader becomes one of the biggest prohibitionists in the galaxy. With an iron fist and goes from system to system crushing the degenerates that buy, sell, and consume alcohol.

The reason the rebellion against the Empire was so organized was because no one had the chance to get wasted. Notice how the Ewok celebration at the end of Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi had plenty of dancing but few drinks. Jabba the Hut’s failed public execution of Han Solo and Luke Skywalker had plenty of drinks but Jabba was a known gangster who found ways around little things like the law. He was a gangster who placed a bounty of Han Solo for dropping his illegal cargo (probably liquor) before being boarded by an Imperial Cruiser. What other cargo would someone smuggle to different systems? It wasn't Tickle Me Elmos.  The deflector shield on Endor wasn’t still on when the rebellion fleet arrived because Han and Chewy were hung over from partying with the Ewoks the night before. It was still on due to the efficiency of sobriety from a very sober Darth Vader regiment of Storm Troopers.

A very rotund but sober Rebel Alliance.

The Emperor’s fear of a Vader uprising caused him to create a policy that gave the illusion of power as well as the application of distraction. The distraction kept everyone sober enough to realize the regime sucked and also kept the men in charge from truly focusing on the rebellion until it was much too late. While being drug and alcohol free definitely is better for society it should not be at the cost of people’s liberty to make that decision themselves. One last item to note regarding prohibition in the Galactic Empire is directly connected to Lando Calrissian. Billy Dee Williams did not start endorsing Colt 45 until after Return of the Jedi, thus solidifying that prohibition ended with the fall of the Galactic Empire.

Written by
Joseph Ammendolea
Owner/President
“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®
ILikeToPlayWithToysProductions@Yahoo.com

Abandoned on the Side of the Road

Herbs' car. At the end of it's life it only drove in reverse.

It was the following week after we ruined poor Phil’s sweet 16.  Joe Herbert (Herbs for short) was driving his Lincoln Town Car and Mike, Greg and I were passengers.  It was decided that this weekend we were going to leave Kristen be.  As we cruised down Langdale Street Mike glanced out the window and noticed something peculiar.

“Guys I got an idea” Mike says reluctantly.

“What?” Greg says.

“Nah, it’s stupid.” Mike says.

“What is it?” I ask.

“We just drove past a Lakeville Pharmacy shopping cart.  Let’s leave it on Kristen’s stoop.”  Mike says.

“We should really stop bothering her for a while.” Greg retorts.

“But that would be hilarious!” Herbs states.

“Let’s do it. We just have to make sure we don’t get caught.” Greg postulates.

We all laugh at the idea thinking how silly it would be, to leave the store shopping cart that both Mike and Kristen work at, right on her stoop.

The local drug store that hired many of the teenage workforce in the area with offers of low wages and discounts on toilet paper.

Herbs turns the car around pulls up next to the fallen shopping cart and pops the trunk.  Mike, Greg, and I get out of the car, pick the cart up and try to fit it in the trunk.  Unfortunately the cart was too large to fit in the trunk.

“Joe this isn’t going to fit in your trunk” says Mike.

“Do you have some bungees or something?” I ask.

“No, there’s some rope in the trunk tie it down and I’ll drive slow.” Replies Herbs.

Greg adds “yeah, Kristin’s house isn’t too far away.  We should be okay but if anyone stops us we’ll say ‘we found it in the street and we’re bringing it home to return to the store when it reopens.’”

So Greg and Mike tie the cart to the trunk door and we all get back in the car and drive to Kristen’s block.  We park on the avenue just around the corner from her house and devise a plan similar to the ring and run situation.  The plan was to bring the cart to the porch, ring the bell, bang on the doors and windows and leave super quick.

A satellite view demonstrating the exact plan of attack.

We get out of the car, remove the cart from the trunk and proceed to push it down the block on the opposite side of the street from where her house is located. 

What was so odd about the situation was we all pushed the shopping cart together. So Mike’s on the outside left, Greg is next to him, then me, followed by Herbs on the outside right. We’re all quietly giggling at this brilliant plan.  We get right in front of Kristen’s house, and are about to cross the street.  There is no porch or living room light on.  The only visible light on was emanating out of the bedroom upstairs. So it was clear to us someone was home.  As we start to make the final approach to the house we hear a dog bark and all of us, without saying a word instinctively run back to the car.  Back at the car we’re all laughing at how silly it was that we ran away all because of a dog barking and make the decision that no matter what happens we’re placing the cart on that stoop.  

A picture of Kristen and her guard dog at the Islanders game.

We quietly walk back to where we left the cart in the street.  We get into our positions again and get the cart up to the front walkway of the house leading to the door. As we get closer to the house the front door sensor light turns and we all run for our lives back to Herbs’ car.  Again, we are all laughing at ourselves about how ridiculous we’re being over the sensor light.

We finally resolve ourselves that this time we’re doing it, no matter what! Herbs unlocks the doors to his car so we can make a quick getaway.  We begin our approach again but this time the bedroom light is off.  The only light radiating from the window is the light from the television.  None of us were concerned though.  We were too focused on getting the cart onto Kristen’s stoop. We get to the cart and grab it, begin to move it, the sensor light turns on, we ignore it.  Then, we hear the sound of a window opening.

“YOU GUYS GOT NAILED!” Kristen’s mom yells out.

We all run right to Herbs car, jump in. He turns on the engine and floors it.  We go straight to Anthony’s house and tell him if anyone asks we were at his house the entire time.  That was the last time we ever stalked Kristen.

Written by
Joseph Ammendolea
Owner/President
“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®
ILikeToPlayWithToysProductions@Yahoo.com

GEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND

Awesome new website you should all check-out.

http://geekandyoushallfind.com

This 2012/2013 TV Season

It’s August 2012 and time for the annual 1-3 sentence review of upcoming “original” programming due out for the 2012/2013 television season. 

666 Park Avenue (ABC)

Premieres: Sunday, Sept. 30 at 10/9c

Combine the eeriness of Lost with the ruthlessness of Desperate Housewives and you get this adaptation of Gabrielle Pierce's book series. A melting pot of ABC alums, the supernatural drama stars Dave Annable (Brothers & Sisters) and Rachael Taylor (Charlie's Angels) as an innocent Midwestern couple who get hired as resident managers of The Drake, a tony Upper East Side apartment building owned by Lost's Terry O'Quinn and his wife, Housewives's Vanessa Williams. The catch: The residents have all made deals with The Devil to have their deepest desires fulfilled.

This is like that Stephen King Hospital show.  Sounds boring, looks boring, not interested.

Animal Practice (NBC)

Premieres: Wednesday, September 26 at 8/7c
Justin Kirk headlines this comedy about an irascible House-like veterinarian who prefers the company of the four-legged creatures over their two-legged owners. Kirk may get top billing, but the true star of the show — and let's face it, the whole fall season — is Crystal the Monkey (The Hangover: Part II, Community), who plays Dr. Rizzo. Mark our words: It will be the best TV monkey performance since Marcel's arc on Friends.

In recent years all the NBC comedies are pathetic and gimmicky this will fit right in with their soon to be canceled lineup.

Arrow (CW)

Premieres: Wednesday, Oct 10 at 8/7c
This is not your older brother's Oliver Queen. Stephen Amell stars as Queen, aka the Green Arrow, a wealthy playboy by day and a vigilante crime-fighter by night, in a gritty, brooding retelling of the famed superhero. Queen honed his archery skills on a deserted island for five years after surviving a boating accident that killed his father and girlfriend's sister, with whom he was having an affair. He returns to civilization to take down his dad's enemies to clear his family name (how Revenge-like!). Katie Cassidy co-stars as Queen's girlfriend, Dinah "Laurel" Lance, who may or may not be the Black Canary.

I’m a comic book media whore and will watch this no matter how good or bad it is.  If it’s like Smallville or the Cape it will suck.  If the Arrow avoids being like Smallville and the Cape and all cost then it will be awesome.

Beauty and the Beast (CW)

Premieres: Thursday, Oct 11 at 9/8c
Kristin Kreuk and Kiwi Jay Ryan star in the titular roles, but don't expect dancing candelabras or even a hairy beast. Ryan's Vincent Keller/beast will have nothing more than a scar on his face, though his actions will get "beastlier," as the producers put it, as the series progresses. The show is a remake of the 1987 procedural starring Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman. Hamilton sent Kreuk and Ryan notes and photos wishing them good luck.

It needs some Angela Lansbury to really make awesome status.

 Ben and Kate (Fox)

Premieres: Tuesday, September 25 at 8:30/7:30c
Oscar winner Nat Faxon joins his Oscar-winning Descendants co-writer Jim Rash (Community) on TV, playing the lovably goofy Ben, who moves in with his sister, single mom Kate (Dakota Johnson), to take care of her daughter Maddie (Maggie Elizabeth Jones). Ben is based on the brother, a "Ferris Bueller-type," of series creator Dana Fox. Fun fact: Real-life Ben's nickname for his sister is Phlegmer.

This has a nice 80s plot vibe to it.  It comes off as something that might be fun to watch.

Chicago Fire (NBC)

Premieres: Wednesday, October 10 at 10:00/9:00c
Dick Wolf is back with another procedural, this one focusing on the firefighters of Chicago's Firehouse 51 and starring Jesse Spencer, Taylor Kinney and David Eisenberg. But unlike his Law & Order franchise, this drama will focus on the personal lives of its (often shirtless) heroes. So how long before a New York Fire or a Los Angeles Fire?

I saw this show when it was a movie called Backdraft.

Elementary (CBS)

 

Premieres: Tuesday, Sept. 25 at 10/9c
Sherlock is all the rage these days. If you're not getting your fill from the films or PBS' series, CBS' procedural offers a modern take on the crime-solver with Jonny Lee Miller as Sherlock, a recovering addict and NYPD consultant. His Watson is his "sober companion," a former surgeon — and a woman (Lucy Liu). Twist!

Perfect for that 50 and older crowd and a great fit for the Cop Broadcasting Station (CBS)

Emily Owens, M.D. (CW)

Premieres: Tuesday, Oct 16 at 9/8c
Mamie Gummer just loves playing doctor. Meryl Streep's eldest, who is also an Off the Map alum, plays the titular character, an awkward, heart-on-her-sleeve-wearing medical school graduate who learns that hospital life is not so much different from high school antics. Justin Hartley and Michael Rady co-star. So how long before Streep guest-stars?

Hasn’t everyone gotten their fill of Doctor shows yet?

Go On (NBC)

Premieres: Tuesday, September 11 at 9/8c
What's so funny about grief? Matthew Perry's about to show us. The Friends alum returns to NBC as Ryan King, a sportscaster who turns to a motley crew support group after his wife dies. How eclectic are these guys? The lead therapist, Lauren (Laura Benanti), honed her skills in a Weight Watchers group.

NBC has to stop casting Matthew Perry in their shows.  He’s had so many failed attempts that I automatically assume it’s going to suck and will not waste my time watching it. Try moving to Florida to enjoy retirement Perry, or go back on drugs and become funny again.

Guys With Kids (NBC)

Premieres: Wednesday, September 26 at 8:30/7:30c
As the title suggests, this comedy from Jimmy Fallon is about guys with kids — specifically Jesse Bradford, Anthony Anderson and Zach Cregger. The three pals all live in the same apartment building and are learning the ropes of parenting together. Erinn Hayes (Worst Week) co-stars as Bradford's ex-wife, Jamie-Lynn Sigler plays Cregger's wife, and Cosby Show alum Tempestt Bledsoe plays Anderson's wife. And the kids? Fourteen are used to play seven children.

This reminds me of that What to Expect When You Are Expecting movie that’s trailer looks so terrible I have been writing letters to different movie studios demanding refunds whenever I am forced to watch the trailer before viewings of whatever nerd movie I am attending.  It’s probably not similar except for those awesome promotional photos but has really bad timing thus, I am soooo avoiding this one. 

Last Resort (ABC)

Premieres: Thursday, Sept. 27 at 8/7c
What do you get when you cross Crimson Tide with The Rock? This Shawn Ryan thriller starring Andre Braugher as the leader of a renegade submarine crew that goes on the run after defying an order to fire nuclear missiles. They find sanctuary at a NATO base where they declare themselves the world's smallest nuclear nation. (Yeah, just go with it.) Scott Speedman, Autumn Reeser, Daisy Betts and Robert Patrick co-star.

I want to like this show.  I want to be interested in the idea but the more ads I see for it the less interesting it looks.  ABC needs to stop promoting it.

Made in Jersey (CBS)

Premieres: Friday, Sept. 28 at 9/8c
Move over, Snooki! Martina Garretti (played by Brit Janet Montgomery) is a streetwise Jersey girl attorney trying to make it in a big-time Manhattan law firm. And yes, like, Snooki, she sports a bumpit too — CBS and producers have even had discussions about the height of the 'do. But we don't think she has the time to GTL all day long.

New Jersey sucks and so will this.

Major Crimes (TNT)

Premieres: Monday, Aug. 13 at 10/9c
The Closer will (finally) wrap its seventh and final season this summer, but it's never truly going away. Mary McDonnell will star in this spin-off focused on her Captain Sharon Raydor of the Major Crimes division. A bevy of Closer stars will join her too: G.W. Bailey, Tony Denison, Michael Paul, Raymond Cruz and Phillip P. Keene. See? The Closer is here to stay.

Didn’t watch the closer I will not watch this.

Malibu Country (ABC)

Premieres: Friday, Nov. 2 at 8:30/7:30c
Stop us if you've heard this before: Reba McEntire plays Reba, who splits from her husband after she learns that he's cheating on her. No, it's not 2001 and this is not The CW's Reba. So what is different about this one? Well, this Reba will move from Nashville to Malibu to start anew. Lily Tomlin co-stars as her mother and Sara Rue as her new neighbor.

I am not interested but there are people who swear by Reba and loved the last show so the remake will gain the same amount of fans.  I really just want her to reunite with Kevin Bacon for Tremors 5.

The Mindy Project (Fox)

Premieres: Tuesday, September 25 at 9:30/8:30c
Think Bridget Jones' Diary, but less British and with more scrubs. Mindy Kaling, who created the show, stars as the titular character, a single woman whose career is blossoming, but is much less lucky in her love life. Mindy works as an OBGYN, which was Kaling's mother's job, and is a shameless rom-com aficionado. A girl after our own heart!

Just reading the description made me want to change the channel.

The Mob Doctor (Fox)

Premieres: Monday, September 17 at 9:00/8:00c
Dr. Grace Devlin (Jordana Spiro) is a thoracic surgeon who has lifelong ties to the South Chicago mob. Sounds ridiculous, right? The drama, from Drop Dead Diva's Josh Berman, is actually based on the nonfiction book Il Dottore, in which a doctor becomes complicit in organized crime. William Forsythe co-stars as Constantine, the head of the mob.

This sounds awesome.  A nice twist on the doctor show genre by adding some Sopranos into the mix. 

Nashville (ABC)

Premieres: Wednesday, Oct. 10 at 10/9c
Ah, the life cycle of stardom. So fickle, isn't it? Connie Britton stars as Rayna James, a 40-something country singer whose star is fading. So her record company suggests she open for new teen sensation Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere), and you can imagine how well that goes over. Throw in some politics (Rayna's husband is running for mayor) and sexual escapades, and you've got some Southern-grown drama. Let's just hope this ends better than Country Strong did.

This is just the movie Crazy Heart.

The Neighbors (ABC)

Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 26 at 8:30/7:30c
3rd Rock From the Sun had aliens moving to Earth, but it will be the reverse case here: A New Jersey family — Lenny Venito, Jami Gertz, Isabella Cramp, Clara Mamet and Max Charles — moves into a gated community populated by aliens. Our advice: move.

Enough of freaking Jersey!!!

The New Normal (NBC)

 

Premieres: Tuesday, September 11 at 9:30/8:30c
Bryan (Andrew Rannells) and David (Justin Bartha) hire Goldie (Georgia King), a single mother, to be their surrogate just as she's trying to start a new life for her and her daughter Shania (Bebe Wood). The series already has the (dis)honor of being the first new fall show to be boycotted. Creator Ryan Murphy, however, pays no mind, because he thinks the protestors, One Million Moms, will like it if they watch it.

They should protest not because of the content but because it doesn’t look interesting at all.  It’s gimmicky nonsense. It's also a wannabe Modern Family rip off.  It's someone reminiscent of how Bill Gates changed Windows around just enough to avoid copyright infringement from the Mac and thus Microsoft obliterated Apple in the 90s.  The big difference here is that Microsoft improved on it's changes and made a better product at the time.  The New Normal is amputating the gay couple from Modern Family and hoping that gimmick will be enough to carry a show.  Perhaps they never heard of Sofia Vergara. 

Partners (CBS)

Premieres: Monday, Sept. 24 at 8:30/7:30c
Will & Grace creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick give us another pair of straight and gay BFFs, but this time, it's a bromance! However, the tight bond between Louis (Michael Urie) and Joe (David Krumholtz) is tested after Joe proposes to his longtime girlfriend Ali (Sophia Bush). Don't feel too bad for Louis — his boyfriend is Superman Brandon Routh.

The bad in this is too painful to talk about. 

Revolution (NBC)

Premieres: Monday, September 17 at 10:00/9:00c
Leave it to J.J. Abrams (Lost) and Eric Kripke (Supernatural) to come up with a mythology-heavy drama. Set in a post-apocalyptic future where there is no electricity, the series stars Elizabeth Mitchell, Tracy Spiridakos, Billy Burke and Giancarlo Esposito as a group of people struggling to figure out how the technology vanished and who holds the figurative power among the survivors. We don't think this is what people meant by going green.

The advertisements don’t look very good but the concept is so intriguing I am still going to check it out. 

Stars Earn Stripes (NBC)

Premieres: Monday, Aug. 13 at 8/7c
The godfather of procedurals, Dick Wolf, and the godfather of reality TV, Mark Burnett, team up for a military-style reality series in which nine celebrities (including Nick Lachey, Laila Ali, Todd Palin, Terry Crews and Dean Cain) compete in rigorous challenges adapted from actual military exercises. Prize money will be donated to a military charity of the star's choice.

I’m tired of reality shows.

Vegas (CBS)

Premieres: Tuesday, Sept. 25 at 10/9c
Ready for another 1960s period drama? There are no Old Fashioneds or Playboy bunnies, but cowboy hats. Based on the true story of Las Vegas Sheriff Ralph Lamb, the drama stars Dennis Quaid in his TV series debut as Lamb, a rancher who goes up against a powerful gangster (Michael Chiklis) to help bring order to Sin City. Jason O'Mara, Carrie-Anne Moss and Sarah Jones co-star

This looks so awesome! It’s network TVs answer to Boardwalk Empire and they might be answering correctly.  It’s got great actors a clever idea and gives the audience the option to root for the good guy or the bad guy.

Joseph Ammendolea

"I Like To Play With Toys" Productions®

ILikeToPlayWithToysProductions@Yahoo.com 

Lunch in the Park

While feeding his infant son in the park a man learns valuable lessons about the importance of breast feeding.

Blue Movie - A Nuclear Calm

Here's a little treat for all of you.  It's a day early and a dollar short! It's the band Blue Movie's latest music video A Nuclear Calm. 

How We Ruined Poor Phil’s Sweet 16

The Bellerose 500

It was winter 2001 and only a few weeks after the ring and run incident.  Mike, Greg, Anthony, Herbs and Joseph were stranded without access to alcohol.  Thus a plan was born out of the embers of boredom.  It was a great evening to stalk Kristen and friends. The five neophytes packed into Greg’s Honda Accord.  Greg was driving, Herbs was in the passenger seat, Anthony in the driver side rear passenger seat, Joseph in the passenger side rear passenger seat, and Mike was riding Bitch. The plan was simple, find Kristen and follow her. The quintet traveled all over Queens and Nassau County that evening checking all the likely Kristen locations.  Their first stop was her house which turned -up empty. Next, was her best friend Joanna’s house, again no results.  They proceeded to all the teenage hotspots; Sterling Lanes, Bellerose Lanes, Denton Mini Golf, Roosevelt Field Mall and all turned up no results.  

             

            As they headed eastbound down Hillside Avenue, the boys had resolved themselves to the fact they had embarked on a futile effort.  Greg makes an uneventful left turn down Cellar Avenue to turn around and head back to Kristen’s house for one last check to see if she returned home.  The children learned fate is a fickle bitch that evening.  As Greg makes the turn a nondescript sedan comes into sight.  Greg flips on his high beams, both cars come to a dead stop.  A stare down ensues, in the driver seat sits Kristen with her passengers Joanna (her best friend), Bernadette (her sister) and Phil (Bernadette’s boyfriend). The cluster looked at the boy completely startled and confounded on how they were discovered. Instinct kicks in and Kristen presses the gas pedal to the floor and makes a sharp right turn onto Hillside Avenue.

Greg makes a quick broken U turn and follows after her.  A high speed chase ensues as Kristen does her best to try and lose Greg.  She maneuvers traffic like a bible banger who’s late for church.  She swerves back and forth from the left and right lane cutting in front of cars in the hopes of shaking Greg.  Her efforts were fruitless, Greg stayed right on her rear bumper the entire time, all while narrowly missing the hapless motorists heading to their weekend destinations.  

 Kristen makes a right turn at Lakeville Road and continues her wretched manipulation of traffic.  All the while Greg is just behind her as they traveled north.  While in the left lane an unsuspecting elderly motorist driving a 1992 Cadillac Seville positions himself in front of Greg and behind Kristen.  Kristen and friends see this as the opportunity to lose their pursuers and signal to make a left turn down 80th Avenue. 

“Holy shit we’re going to lose them!” Mike bellows.

Greg replies “No we’re not!”

In less than five seconds Greg cuts over to the right lane, shifts into 3rd gear, speeds past the elderly man driving the Cadillac, swerves left into the narrowest of gaps remaining between Kristen and the Cadillac.  Kristen slows down to make the left turn, Greg jams on his breaks so hard that the ABS system kicks in, the bellow of the horn and screech of the Cadillac’s tires echo throughout the street.  Kristen cuts left, Greg cuts left, the elderly man’s car stops. 

The pictures demonstrate the series of race car maneuvers pulled off by Greg's driving skills. Kristen's Head represents the position of her car, the Old Man Head represents the position of the Cadillac, The Greg head represents Greg's car.

Greg, the ever responsible motorist proceeds to pass on the right.

Greg move's back into the left lane and considers a career in sardines.

Kristen, Greg make a Tokyo Drift left turn and leave behind a very frightened Old Man.

The chase continues for another block when Herbs and Greg deduce that based on the route Kristen and friends are headed to Phil’s house.  The boys decide to withdraw their pursuit and take an alternate route. 

Kristen and friends arrive at Phil’s house thinking they lost their pursuers and begin to settle down from the evening’s antics.  The boys arrive and park under a poorly lit section down the block from Phil’s house.  Kristen, Phil, Joanna, & Bernadette stare down the road wondering if their ordeal had truly ended.  The boys sit in the car wondering what to do next.  Joseph instructs everyone in Greg’s Honda Accord to roll down the windows to see if they could hear what Kristen and friends were saying. 

A wolf-whistle shrieks from Greg’s mouth, Kristen and friends look back more intently. 

Joseph yells out, “Phil’s a pussy!” With his voice echoing off each house on the Queens residential block.

The boys laugh hysterically.

Joseph repeats, “Phil’s a giant pussy!”

The boy’s chortle in ecstasy as Phil begins to pace in fear over the tongue lashing being thrust on him for no reason whatsoever.  The taunts at Phil’s expense continue as Phil becomes more visibly upset about the situation.  Adults begin to appear outside trying to deduce what the commotion is.  Greg toots his horn to accompany Joseph’s slew of insults at Phil’s manhood.

Phil fearfully demands his antagonizers approach and fight him.  Joseph twists his demands back on Phil.

“If you’re so tough, then come here and prove it!”

Phil runs to his backyard and walks back out with his father.

Still giggling over the circumstances the boys realize their prank has gone just a little too far.  Greg starts the car and peels out down the block at top speed.

This Is Why Sterling Lanes Went Out Of Business

It was the following weekend and the line-up consisted of Mike, Greg, Herbs and Joseph who were again gathered together with no plans.  The quartet decided that since the previous weeks shenanigans were so entertaining they should embark to duplicate their past experience.  Thus they planned once again to stalk their favorite person of interest Kristen.

To cut down on search times Greg brought with him two walkie-talkies.  Knowing how much of a bowling whore Kristen was they dropped Joseph at Bellerose Lanes bowling alley while the other three headed to Sterling Lanes bowling alley. Joseph investigated the premises and found nothing.  Before he could report his findings to Greg, the boys had traveled out of the walkie-talkie area.  Joseph was left to wait until the others returned.  

This is where Bellerose Lanes used to be.  It's now occupied by Staples. Teenagers still go behind the building to get drunk.

 Greg, Mike and Herbs arrived at Sterling Lanes and parked.  Sterling Lanes has a unique design for a bowling alley.  When walking in there was an empty and spacious lobby that led to a stairway and elevator.  The stairway and elevator both directed the patrons to the main desk on a lower level where the bowling lanes were.  As the trio walked inside they saw Bernadette at the doorway. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Bernadette yells.

Greg retorts “We’re here to go bowling. Got a problem with that?”

“Yeah, we’re here to bowl.” Mike adds.

Herbs immediately bellows out a cackle.

Kristen and Joanna looking up from the lower level of the bowling alley see her sister confronting the boys and they both run up the stairs.

Kristen calls out “You guys need to leave right now!”

“We’re not going anywhere.” Greg replies.

“Fine stay! I’m getting my boyfriend and he’s going to kick all of your asses.” Bernadette declares as she takes off down the staircase.

Greg comments sarcastically. “We’re real scared of Phil.”

“Listen, you guys really need to go.  This isn’t the time for this.” Joanna chimes in.

“This is the perfect time. I’m tired of this bullshit!” Greg declares.

“Phil ain’t gonna do nothin’” says Mike.

“No, it’s not that.  This joke has gone too far, right now my sister is telling Phil what’s going on and my mother is down there with him.   She’s going to call the police on you guys if you don’t leave right now” says Kristen.

“Yes, this is stupid just go.  This bullshit isn’t worth the hassle.” says Joanna.

Kristen then adds, “My mother has had enough of all the games and she’s not going play.”

“Okay, we’ll go.” Herbs responds.

“Call the cops on us for what? This is a bunch of bullshit.” Greg snaps.

“We’re just going bowling” adds Mike.

“You have to trust me.  This isn’t the time to do this.  I’m not trying to be a bitch” says Kristen.

Joanna steps closer to Mike and looks him right in the eyes “Mike, believe me when I say ‘you should leave.’”

Herbs subtly gestures to Mike and Greg that he has a plan. 

Mike replies, “Alright fine, we’ll go.”

The boys leave the building, get into Greg’s car and drive off.  

Kristen and Joanna celebrating after thinking they successfully defused a potentially hostile situation.

 Herbs begins to discuss his plan.  “We’ll go and pick up Joe and comeback.  No one really knows him so, we’ll have him go inside and find out what lane their bowling at.  He’ll go to the counter and request to bowl at the lane next to theirs.  And then we’ll show up and be like, ‘Yup! Just here to bowl!’”

“That’s brilliant!” Says Greg. 

Mike replies “I don’t think Joe is going to go for that.  Also, he’ll get caught.  Kristen knows what he looks like.”

“He’ll do it.  Kristen won’t recognize him as quickly as she would us.  We’ll also tell him tell him to watch out for Kristen and make sure she doesn’t see him.” Says Greg.

            “She thinks we left anyway so I doubt she’ll be looking for us now anyhow.” Herbs adds.

            While Joseph is sitting in front of Bellerose Lanes awaiting the return of his friends he suddenly finds himself quite famished.  Joseph is about to walk into the Bellerose Lanes and order something from the bar when Greg, Mike and Herbs pull up and tell him to get in the car. 

            Joseph states “I’m just about to get something to eat.”

Greg replies, “We’ll get something at the other place, get in.”

Joseph hops in the car and they drive back to Sterling Lanes and hears a brief recant of the boys recent ordeal without him.

The four boys arrive at Sterling Lanes and enter the main lobby.  As they begin to explain the entire plan to Joseph all four look down and see Kristen at the bottom of the staircase talking to Bernadette.  Kristen looks in complete shock and fear. Bernadette immediately runs off.  

The main desk at Sterling Lanes

“Oh shit they saw us.  Let’s get out of here.” Mike cries out.

They calmly exit the building and walk toward Greg’s car.  Before they can reach the car a large group mixed with both teenagers and adults exit the bowling alley. 

Kristen’s mother yells out “WHAT DO YOU BOYS THINK YOU’RE DOING?”

Greg replies “What? We just came here to go bowling.”

“That’s a bunch of crap! Stop harassing my daughter and her friends!”

Mike, Joseph, and Herbs are left speechless due to the large crowd of grownups confronting them.

The wonderful party room the angry bowling mob left unattended to confront the boys that were leaving.

 Greg channels the powers of Cicero himself and begins talking his way out of the potential troublesome predicament the boys created for themselves.  “This is ridiculous! We haven’t done anything wrong!”

Greg and the famous Roman orator Cicero. There is a striking resemblance.

 

Phil cries out “Haven’t done anything wrong? That’s a fucking lie! Who was it that came to my house last week and was yelling out I’m a pussy in front of all my neighbors and my family!”

Joseph’s face twinges slightly in embarrassment.

“That wasn’t us” states Greg.

“That’s a fucking lie and you know it!” Says Phil as he begins to cry.

            Phil moves close to Greg but is quickly restrained by his father who compassionately tells him to calm down.

            Kristen’s mom then starts yelling “We know it was you that changed Kristen’s password on her cell phone! We had to call the phone company to get it fixed.”

            “That’s a lie we never touch Kristen’s password! Never! It’s a bunch of crap that you’re daughter is making up,” Greg points to Bernadette “because she doesn’t like us.  We never touched her phone.”

            “We’ll whatever’s going on it stops now. I don’t want you near my daughters anymore, any of you.” Kristen’s mom looks at Mike.  “And Mike, you’re a good kid but you can’t have your bread buttered on both sides.  You’re either friends with Kristen or these kids and if you continue to hang out with them I don’t want you hanging around Kristen.”

Mike's solution on how to have his bread buttered on both sides.

Bernadette's solution on how to butter bread on both sides.

 “I know” says Mike.

Kristen’s Uncle adds “yeah, Mike. Why would you get involved with this? You’re better than this.”

Greg, still focused on the pressing issue continues to defend the groups honor with a face of stone as he pleads his case. “This is crap, we haven’t done anything. If you want Kristen to stop hanging out with us then tell her to stop asking me for rides home from school and to stop calling us and coming over to our houses.”

Bernadette screams “we wouldn’t have had to go to your house if you didn’t hack into her cell phone.”

“WE DIDN’T TOUCH HER PHONE! We never touched her phone. We didn’t change her password.”

Greg hacking into Kristen's phone.

 Kristen’s mom becomes the voice or reason and states “then we won’t have anymore problems.” Kristen’s mom grabs Kristen back inside the bowling alley; only bits of the conversation can be heard.  Then Kristen’s mom yells out. “GO HOME!”

Kristen runs to her car crying, gets in and drives away.

A deafening silence falls over the crowd. 

Joseph states “I don’t know about you guys but I just came to get something to eat.”

The boys laugh hysterically.

“Oh it’s a big joke to you guys. One big joke” says Kristen’s Uncle. 

The only reason Joseph went to Sterling Lanes.

            The boys all pack into Greg’s car and drive away.  While in the car Joseph asks, “What was up with all those old people hanging out with them?”

            Herbs states “I think they were all there for Phil’s 16th birthday.”

            “Oh shit, we ruined the kids Sweet 16? That’s really fucked up of us.”

            “Yeah, let’s take a break from the whole Kristen thing for a while, before her mom calls my mom” Mike adds.

            Greg adds “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

An exact replica of Greg's Honda Accord.  The original was destroyed in the middle of the night by a mysterious old man ranting about sardine's and anti-lock breaks.

Written by
Joseph Ammendolea
Owner/President
“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®
ILikeToPlayWithToysProductions@Yahoo.com