Officers 2: The Sequel
Written by
Joseph Ammendolea
& Dave Rerecich
Scene 1
INT. FRANK’S HOUSE. DAY.
CHRISTINE is cleaning her house when she hears a noise coming from the bedroom. She walks into the room. She screams.
EXT. HOUSE. DAY.
Scene 2
INT. STATION
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE and CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK are sitting literally doing nothing. There are two phones. They both ring simultaneously.
SOUND. PHONE RING
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE and CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK answer simultaneously.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
(Simultaneously)
Yes.... Sure, hold on.
They hand their respective receivers to each other.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
(Simultaneously)
We're on our way.
They put their handed off receivers into the potted plant and resume staring into space for like ten seconds. Actually, on second thought, don't do any of the above. It's too silly. The pair exit.
OPENING CREDITS ROLL.
Scene 3
INT. FRANK’S HOUSE. DAY.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE and CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK are in the living room talking with CHRISTINE.
CHRISTINE
I walked into the room and found him lying there dead.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
How can you be so sure he's dead?
CHRISTINE
I asked him if he was alive and he said “no”.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Oooh you've been here before haven't you?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
What troubles me is, not only is there no body, but there's
also no mention of any tea....
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE & CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK look at Christine for a few seconds....
CHRISTINE
Oh... did you want some tea detectives?
CAPTAIN
(Correcting, and pointing)
Captain, Detective
CHRISTINE
(Quizzical)
Sorry... Captain.... Detective...
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Just go get the damn tea, Sweet Tart.
CHRISTINE leaves to go get the tea
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
That was some real initiative you showed there Bellerose. I'm promoting you to Admiral after this case is done.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Looking forward to it Captain. Now what to make of this
case. I think....
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
(Interrupting)
Sush! Baby's sleeping.
CHRISTINE walks back in with the tea.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
(Loudly)
Mrs. A where is the baby!?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
...they don't have a baby!
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Where is the body?
CHRISTINE
I thought you guys cleaned it up....
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK strokes his chin all detective-like to indicate that he is thinking, but he also has an itchy chin.
Scene 4
EXT. FRANK’S HOUSE. DAY.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE & CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK exit the house.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Captain Floral Park how are we going to solve this case when all the evidence is gone?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
The old fashion way Detective Bellerose.
(Pause).
Out sourcing.
Scene 5
EXT. PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR GLEN OAK’S HOUSE. DAY.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK & DETECTIVE BELLEROSE walk up to the house and ring the bell.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Isn’t this Sheworthy’s house?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
No I think it was Jeffina’s house.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
No, it turned out that wasn’t Jeffina. It was Sheworthy pretending to be Jeffina in order to throw us off the trail of Christopher Elworthy.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Then who as the girl we spoke to behind the Disney Store.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
My future Ex-Wife.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Oh look the door is open.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK & DETECTIVE BELLEROSE open the door and enter.
Scene 6
INT. GLEN OAK’S OFFICE. DAY
PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR GLEN OAKS is sitting down reading the newspaper when CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK & DETECTIVE BELLEROSE walk in the room. CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK walks up to the private eye are glares at him.
GLEN OAKS
Can I help you?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK exits the room.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE.
We’ll be right back?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE exits the room.
Scene 7
INT. HALLWAY. DAY.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE walks up to CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Flopa what’s wrong?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Where did you find this guy?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
He has an ad on craigslist. He seemed okay enough,
after all he is named after a local town just like us.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Just like us? Are you serious? He is nothing like us.
We are part of two counties one town, a Queens
Nassau hybrid. He is 100% Queens.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
He didn’t come off that way, but even if, there’s
nothing wrong with that. I’m surprised at you.
Don’t you remember the lessons of
CENSORED?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
I’m not talking about that.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Then what are you talking about?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
We have a history, me and Private-Eye Glen Oaks.
CLOSE-UP. CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK.
Scene 8
FLASHBACK.
EXT. STORES. DAY.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK is exiting a store at the same time PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR GLEN OAKS goes to walk in and almost bumps into FLORAL PARK.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Oh excuse me.
GLEN OAKS
That’s quite all right.
PI GLEN OAKS walks around CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK. FLORAL PARK stands there angry.
CLOSE-UP. CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK.
BACK TO SCENE.
Scene 9
INT. HALLWAY. DAY.
CLOSE-UP. CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
That’s some history, but it’s either him or Colonel New Hyde Park. And he outranks you.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Okay we’ll play it your way
(Pause)
For now.
Scene 10
INT. GLEN OAK’S OFFICE. DAY
PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR GLEN OAKs is sitting down reading the newspaper when CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK & DETECTIVE BELLEROSE walk in the room.
GLEN OAKS
Hello again.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Glen Oaks Private Eye, I’m Detective Bellerose
and this is my partner slash boss Captain Floral Park
of the FPBPD.
GLEN OAKS
Nice to meet you both. How can I help you today?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Don’t play coy with me.
GLEN OAKS
Excuse me?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Don’t act like we haven’t met before.
GLEN OAKS
Do I know you?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
You smug son of a...
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Flopa calm down, I’ll handles this. Sorry Mr. Oaks my
partner is under a bit of stress as of late.
GLEN OAKS
Please call me Glen. Perhaps you should get him a
Zanex and some Coca Cola.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Do I look like an agitated chimp to you?
GLEN OAKS
You look like a hairy Cuban who shaves his ass.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK reaches for his gun, DETECTIVE BELLEROSE reaches his arm out and restrains him.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
We’re here because we need your help on a case
we’re working on. Frank Aaaaaaaaaa has been
murdered.
GLEN OAKS
Who’s Frank Aaaaaaaaaa.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
A young republican.
GLEN OAKS
So you think it was politically motivated?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
What? No, that’s just who he is.
GLEN OAKS
How old was he?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
34.
GLEN OAKS
That’s not young
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Well it sure isn’t old.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
And it ain’t middle aged.
GLEN OAKS
What do you need me for?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Truth be told, or perhaps false be lied. The evidence
was destroyed, even the body is missing. In fact we
have no proof a crime was even committed. For all
we know it’s the ramblings of a crazy woman on the
rag and Frank was just sleeping and woke up an left
for work.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
We need you to help us reconstruct the crime scene.
GLEN OAKS
Where do I even start with something like that?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Lay down and take a nap and then we’ll murder
you in different ways and see which one is the most
plausible.
GLEN OAKS
That sounds like a terrible idea and I want nothing to do with it.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
What do you propose we do then?
GLEN OAKS
Well you said he was a young republican, perhaps
he had some political connections. Maybe you two
should try talking to the mayor. While you
guys are doing that I’ll stay here try to work
out some type of crime scenario. Do you have
the case file?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
A case file? That’s a great idea.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Yeah, we should open files on the cases we work.
GLEN OAKS
Right, I’m going to need cash up front.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
You will receive nothing and like it.
GLEN OAKS
No I am going to need to be paid for this.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
I will pay you with love.
GLEN OAKS
While love is nice, I really need money to pay the rent, eat and clothe myself.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Very well, Bellerose pay the man from the petty cash.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Aww but Flopa we were going to go and spend it at the
track later.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
(Mockingly)
Not anymore. Private-Eye Glen Oaks needs to make a living.
Scene 11
INT. POLICE PRECINCT. DAY.
(Note: This scene can be filmed in several locations, either outdoors, indoors, anywhere available).
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK & DETECTIVE BELLEROSE are lounging in the precinct. MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE enters.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
(Salutes)
Thank you for coming Mayor Franklin Square.
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
Thank you for having me Captain.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
(High Five's)
Mr. Mayor
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
Detective, how are things with you?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Just fine sir. Today is no is yes day.
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
So why did you guys call me down here?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Frank Aaaaaaaaaa has been murdered
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
My word!
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
We were wondering if you could shed some light on the subject.
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
I don’t seem to have anything on me. I might have a flashlight
in the car though. Do you have a knife I could borrow? A
nail file would be ideal.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Did Frank have any enemies?
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
Any enemies? He was a lawyer and a politician.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
So that’s a no?
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
No, that’s a yes?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
So that’s a no because no is yes.
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
No
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
So he had no enemies
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
Yes.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Yes he did or no he didn’t? I don’t know isn’t no yes?
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
No, no is no
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
If yes is no then no is no then what is yes?
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
Listen let’s not make is a freaking Abbot and Costello bit. Frank
had a lot of enemies.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Why kind of enemies?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
The kind that would want to kill him?
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
Maybe. Frank was an odd duck. I met him when
he was 14 he was walking down the street listening
to an AM radio station on his Walkman.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
What’s so strange about that?
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
It was Bob Grant. What 14 year old boy listens to conservative
talk radio?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
The dead kind.
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
Well I got to talking to Frank about this and that,
mostly this and only some of that. He told me he wanted
to go to hell when he died. I assured him the best way to
do that is to become a lawyer and a politician. He agreed.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Well he’s certainly rotting in hell now, the evil hell where you
are in a theater with a bunch of 16 year old girls who are texting
and talking on their cell phones while watching the twilight
movies and screaming loudly every time a pretty pretty man
shows his hot, sweaty, sexy, sultry, luscious body on the
screen. Ohh so sexy and so dirty.
(Pause)
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
Anyway as Frank grew up he became more fanatic about his
political beliefs. But he appeared to be in constant conflict with
himself. His own brother had called the police on him on three
separate occasions for disturbing that peace. He was watching
C-Span late at night screaming in anger like it was a sporting
event or something.
While there was that deep rooted conservatism in him, there
was also a wild streak in him. A party animal. In
fact on one occasion Frank proceeded to drink to his hearts
content, then, while passing a local diner he pulled down
his pants and mooned a couple of old ladies who were
enjoying their tea
and crumpets.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
That’s crazy! Who eats tea and crumpets in this day and age?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
So who killed Frank?
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
It could be anyone. He had at least 4 enemies the three old
ladies in the diner and the homeless person who Frank declined
a proposition for CENSORED from this was after he showed
his ass to the ladies.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
What about political enemies?
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
No, he had them all killed a few months back.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
That sounds like a serious crime.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
I guess it would fall under indecent exposure. But the statute of limitations has run out on it.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
I could really go for some tea and crumpets actually.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Relic!
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
Well I must get going. If you need anymore help please don’t
call me because you’re both incompetent assholes and if I had
my way I’d have you both fired.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Well it’s a good thing it’s not up to you Mayor Franklin Square.
It’s up to the voters.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
And a grant from the Helena Rubenstein foundation.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
(Breaks Fourth Wall)
And viewers like you.
MAYOR FRANKLIN SQUARE
What are you pointing at?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Nothing, just get out of here.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
And we’ll call you if and when we feel like it.
Scene 12
INT. GLEN OAKS’ OFFICE. NIGHT.
PI GLEN OAKS is constructing a Lego model of a bedroom and house when CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK and DETECTIVE BELLEROSE enter.
GLEN OAKS
Oh great, you are back.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
What have you got for us?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Besides a migraine I have reconstructed the crime
scene. Using these Legos.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Lego my ego!
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK and DETECTIVE BELLEROSE begin to laugh hysterically PI GLEN OAKS stares at them with a blank face. CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK and DETECTIVE BELLEROSE slowly stop laughing. There is an uncomfortable silence.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
What have you found out?
GLEN OAKS
Based on the information presented to me from
your notes and my own investigative work from
speaking to the alleged victim’s spouse, I traced
back Frank’s timeline from the evening before
until the morning when he turned up missing.
Scene 13
INSERT. LEGO ROOM.
NARRATION. GLEN OAKS
I determined Frank Aaaaaaaaaa was sleeping between the hours of 1 AM and 10 AM
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
A full eight hours.
NARRATION. GLEN OAKS
At about 10:24 am the wife heard a noise and went
into the room. It turns out the noise she heard was
an alarm clock blaring. She immediately turned it off.
To her horror she discovered an unmade bed at that
moment neighbors reported hearing a loud scream.
The FPBPD wasn’t called in until noon, an hour and a
half after the scream. By the time you arrived the “crime
scene” was cleaned up. But there wasn’t actually anything
to clean up. The wife just made the bed and turned the
alarm off. By all accounts Frank woke up probably hit
the snooze, within that time got ready and left for work,
completely forgetting the alarm was going to ring again.
The wife heard the alarm walked into the room saw the
unmade bed and pajamas strewn across the floor had a
scream attack. She cleaned the room and passed out
and woke up moments later thinking her husband was
dead, when she really was just hoping. That’s when you
guys received the call.
BACK TO SCENE
Scene 14
INT. GLEN OAKS’ OFFICE. NIGHT.
PI GLEN OAKS, CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK and DETECTIVE BELLEROSE are in the office.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
So you saying the wife did it.
GLEN OAKS
No, you idiot!
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
The Mayor?
GLEN OAKS
No!
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Well if it’s not the wife and not the mayor who could it be?
We’ve only dealt with three people regarding this case.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
I got it, I have figured it out.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
You have? You solved the case? Who did it?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Private-Eye Glen Oaks.
GLEN OAKS
(Exhausted)
It wasn’t me.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Detective Bellerose?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Captain Floral Park?
GLEN OAKS
You’re both morons. He isn’t dead. He was just at work.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Can you prove any of this?
GLEN OAKS
Yes. If we go to his house right now we’ll get there just in
time to meet him as he gets home from work.
Scene 15
INT. FRANK’S HOUSE. NIGHT.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK, DETECTIVE BELLEROSE, and PI GLEN OAKS are talking with CHRISTINE.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
We have solved the murder.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
After diligent investigative work on our part we
determined that the murderer was....
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Chris Elworthy.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Woah,wait I thought it was a suicide.
CHRISTINE
Chris Elworthy killed himself?
GLEN OAKS
I am trapped in a world of idiots.
CHRISTINE
I am no idiot. I’m a woman.
GLEN OAKS
I’m sorry, I stand corrected I am stuck with two idiots
and a bad driver. Frank isn’t dead, he just went to work.
He should be home any minute.
FRANK AAAAAAAAAA walks in the door that that moment.
FRANK
Honey I’m home. Did you miss me?
CHRISTINE runs over to him and hugs him.
CHRISTINE
Oh honey you’re alive. I’m so glad.
FRANK look around the room and sees CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK, DETECTIVE BELLEROSE, and PI GLEN OAKS.
FRANK
Hi Captain Floral Park, Detective Bellerose, and random
agitated guy who. What are you doing here?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Investigating your murder.
FRANK
Oh, how's that going?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Pretty well, in fact the case has just been closed. We
determined you died of SIDS.
FRANK
How could I have died from sudden infant death syndrome
when I am 34 and still alive?
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
I’m a detective not a doctor
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
I’m a captain not a coroner.
GLEN OAKS
I knew you were fine.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
I have determined no crime has been committed, since the
case is solved it’s time to get going.
FRANK
Thanks for coming by guys.
CHRISTINE
Yes, thanks for all your help.
FRANK
It was especially great seeing you again Detective Bellerose.
The last time we spoke I had shot and killed that weird dude.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Then I had CENSORED with his corpse when it was in
the morgue.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Ahh fun times they were, fun times.
Scene 16
INT. POLICE PRECINCT. NIGHT.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK, DETECTIVE BELLEROSE, and PI GLEN OAKS are talking.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Well that was a doozy of a case.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
It sure was.
And now it’s time to pay Private-Eye Glen Oaks.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK pulls out a wad of money and begins count it out.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Wow that’s a lot of money, it pays to be crooked.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
You know something Glen, I was wrong about you. The
force can use a man of your intellect. We might need to call
on you again for those tougher cases.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Yes, there have been reports of teenage battles breaking out
throughout the town. We sure could use your help stopping it.
GLEN OAKS
I tell you what. How about we wave the fee and in return
you never call me again for any help whatsoever.
We have a deal?
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
That sounds fair to me.
GLEN OAKS
Great! It was terrible working with you and I hope I never
see either of you again.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Ditto.
GLEN OAKS exits.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
(Whispers)
You’re excused Glen, you’re excused.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
I miss that whiny bastard already.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Me too, let’s stop by and visit him tomorrow.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
I thought we could never call him again.
CAPTAIN FLORAL PARK
Yes he said never call and call we won’t, but he never said
anything about stopping by in person.
DETECTIVE BELLEROSE
Oh zing, touché, and quid pro quo!
THE END
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