Sunday, September 9, 2012

Abandoned on the Side of the Road

Herbs' car. At the end of it's life it only drove in reverse.
It was the following week after we ruined poor Phil’s sweet 16.  Joe Herbert (Herbs for short) was driving his Lincoln Town Car and Mike, Greg and I were passengers.  It was decided that this weekend we were going to leave Kristen be.  As we cruised down Langdale Street Mike glanced out the window and noticed something peculiar.
“Guys I got an idea” Mike says reluctantly.
“What?” Greg says.
“Nah, it’s stupid.” Mike says.
“What is it?” I ask.
“We just drove past a Lakeville Pharmacy shopping cart.  Let’s leave it on Kristen’s stoop.”  Mike says.
“We should really stop bothering her for a while.” Greg retorts.
“But that would be hilarious!” Herbs states.
“Let’s do it. We just have to make sure we don’t get caught.” Greg postulates.
We all laugh at the idea thinking how silly it would be, to leave the store shopping cart that both Mike and Kristen work at, right on her stoop.

The local drug store that hired many of the teenage workforce in the area with offers of low wages and discounts on toilet paper.
Herbs turns the car around pulls up next to the fallen shopping cart and pops the trunk.  Mike, Greg, and I get out of the car, pick the cart up and try to fit it in the trunk.  Unfortunately the cart was too large to fit in the trunk.
“Joe this isn’t going to fit in your trunk” says Mike.
“Do you have some bungees or something?” I ask.
“No, there’s some rope in the trunk tie it down and I’ll drive slow.” Replies Herbs.
Greg adds “yeah, Kristin’s house isn’t too far away.  We should be okay but if anyone stops us we’ll say ‘we found it in the street and we’re bringing it home to return to the store when it reopens.’”
So Greg and Mike tie the cart to the trunk door and we all get back in the car and drive to Kristen’s block.  We park on the avenue just around the corner from her house and devise a plan similar to the ring and run situation.  The plan was to bring the cart to the porch, ring the bell, bang on the doors and windows and leave super quick.

A satellite view demonstrating the exact plan of attack.
We get out of the car, remove the cart from the trunk and proceed to push it down the block on the opposite side of the street from where her house is located. 
What was so odd about the situation was we all pushed the shopping cart together. So Mike’s on the outside left, Greg is next to him, then me, followed by Herbs on the outside right. We’re all quietly giggling at this brilliant plan.  We get right in front of Kristen’s house, and are about to cross the street.  There is no porch or living room light on.  The only visible light on was emanating out of the bedroom upstairs. So it was clear to us someone was home.  As we start to make the final approach to the house we hear a dog bark and all of us, without saying a word instinctively run back to the car.  Back at the car we’re all laughing at how silly it was that we ran away all because of a dog barking and make the decision that no matter what happens we’re placing the cart on that stoop.  

A picture of Kristen and her guard dog at the Islanders game.
We quietly walk back to where we left the cart in the street.  We get into our positions again and get the cart up to the front walkway of the house leading to the door. As we get closer to the house the front door sensor light turns and we all run for our lives back to Herbs’ car.  Again, we are all laughing at ourselves about how ridiculous we’re being over the sensor light.
We finally resolve ourselves that this time we’re doing it, no matter what! Herbs unlocks the doors to his car so we can make a quick getaway.  We begin our approach again but this time the bedroom light is off.  The only light radiating from the window is the light from the television.  None of us were concerned though.  We were too focused on getting the cart onto Kristen’s stoop. We get to the cart and grab it, begin to move it, the sensor light turns on, we ignore it.  Then, we hear the sound of a window opening.
“YOU GUYS GOT NAILED!” Kristen’s mom yells out.

We all run right to Herbs car, jump in. He turns on the engine and floors it.  We go straight to Anthony’s house and tell him if anyone asks we were at his house the entire time.  That was the last time we ever stalked Kristen.

Written by
Joseph Ammendolea
“I Like To Play With Toys” Productions®